Free Chasing Cassidy by D. Kelly Page B

occasionally, she’ll have a bad dream but that’s about it.”
    “Jesus, man, I’m sorry.”
    “Yeah, me, too.”
    “Look I don’t mean to speak out of turn, but I do know what it’s like to grow up in an unpleasant home. If whatever you’re trying to accomplish doesn’t work you might want to have her go to therapy, if she doesn’t already.”
    If only. “She won’t go, I’ve tried. But I did the next best thing and I went.” I’m telling him the only secret I’ve ever kept from her, from anyone.
    “You went? For her or for yourself?”
    “Both. When we were teenagers, her dad assaulted us. Cassidy was in the hospital for a few days… she could have died. I blackmailed him to keep him away from her and that’s when it all stopped. I knew it was bad but until that night, I had no idea how much worse it had gotten.”
    I pause, needing a minute before continuing. “After that, I needed to talk to someone about what happened to me and her. She refused to go so I went behind her back. I think she was terrified the therapist would confirm what her dad has told her since she was six.”
    “What did he say?” Pete demands in a controlled voice. He looks as pissed as I feel.
    “He’s been telling her she’s unlovable and love doesn’t exist. I never knew all the years he’d told her that, not until that night. I had heard bits and pieces before, and she had said things which made me wonder, but I never put it all together. I was aware of the beatings and of some verbal abuse but I had no idea he was breaking her spirit by telling her that every chance he could.”
    “So the therapy helped you cope?”
    I sigh. “Yes, but she also helped me understand that in order to get through to Cassidy and reverse years of feeling unworthy, my actions needed to match my words. She taught me how to make my words count by letting her in to my every thought and inner feeling. It’s hard to explain, but for example, telling Cassidy I loved her wasn’t enough… it was just words. But if I kissed her head and then told her I loved her and followed the words with hand holding or an even more intimate kiss, it was reaffirming that my words weren’t meaningless.”
    “Like how she was hit and then told she was unlovable.”
    “Exactly. Positive affirmations instead of negative ones. And realistically, I was already pretty good at filling her in on my feelings because I knew her home life was unstable and I wanted her to feel loved and protected. The more I opened up to her, the more she let me in, but there’s always been a piece of her I couldn’t touch. The piece that pulled her from our wedding and brought her here. That’s the part of her I need to break through before we leave this house.”
    “Zack, man, for what it’s worth, I hope you get there and I’ll do whatever I can to help. I’ve never met anyone willing to go through what you have for someone. Damn, you guys were just kids and you knew way back then she was special. I envy you in a way.”  The wistfulness in his voice is unmistakable. Time to lighten this party up.
    “Well, I’d envy me, too, if I were you but don’t get any ideas… Cassidy is mine .” His laughter fills the car.
    “Now, there’s the cocky son of a bitch I went to school with. I knew he was in there somewhere. Just let me know when you need me, otherwise, I’ll be here but out of sight.”
    “Thanks, man.”
    “Anytime,” he says as I exit the car. As I walk up the path to the house, I see Pete’s man guarding the door. He’s not someone I would want on my bad side. This guy is huge and apparently, a man of very few words.
    “ID,” he states gruffly, but I don’t begrudge him—he’s doing his job. I hand him my driver’s license and he looks at it and me very carefully. Once he’s satisfied I am who I’m supposed to be, he steps aside so I can unlock the door.
    “She’s still asleep on the couch, or she was ten minutes ago when the guys in back gave me