Free His Absolute Betrayal - Elise's Love Story: The Billionaire's Continuum (#2) (A Contemporary Romance Novel) by Cerys du Lys Page A

doing this for years, they enjoyed it.  It was fun to them.  It was the sort of relationship they were looking for.
    It was never the sort of relationship I was looking for.  Although, yes, perhaps I liked some of it.  I enjoyed Lucent and everything we did together.  We didn't have whips or chains, but he had paddles and he tied me up sometimes, and there were spankings.  We had more than enough orders, demands, and commands; or at least he did.  I never truly felt forced into action, but sometimes I liked to play at reluctance.  It was sexy to me.
    I didn't know if that was all of me, though.  I didn't think of myself like that.  I wasn't "one of them," I was just myself.  If Lucent never liked any of those things, I thought I'd still like him well enough.  That sounded odd to think about, because I didn't know how to imagine Lucent not being like that, though.  Maybe I wouldn't like him at all, then?  I loved him, yes, but I liked him, too, and I thought that was an important distinction to make.
    People had a large array of feelings they could have towards another person, you know?  Love, like, lust, friendship, appreciation, respect.  There were probably more, too.  And then the negative emotions.  I felt a lot of positive emotions for Lucent.  Possibly all of them.  Sometimes I felt some negative ones, though.  I didn't know for sure how to explain that.  Was confusion negative?  Concern, worry, and a little bit of doubt?  Everyone had doubts, right?  That was common.  You always heard about people having doubts before they got married, wondering if they were making the right decisions.
    Lucent and I weren't even getting married, though.  I didn't think we were going to be there for awhile.  I wouldn't necessarily mind marrying him, but if he asked me right here and now, I didn't know what I would say.  Or what I should say.  I didn't know where we were in our relationship, especially after what happened last night and this morning.
    While pondering all of this, I ate my food quietly.  When I finished, I took the black hard drive and set it in my lap, holding it like it was a patient cat.  It grew warm from the heat of my body and my hands until it almost felt alive.
    Lucent finally returned.  He strode towards the booth and sat down beside me.  I looked at him and smiled, but I didn't know what exactly I saw of the man sitting next to me.
    "Are you alright, Miss Tanner?" he asked, worry flitting through his brow.
    I nodded softly.  "Yes.  Are you?"
    He smiled and kissed my cheek.  "Of course.  Everything is going to be fine.  I'll finish my food and then we can leave.  I believe it's best if we don't bother Sam any more than we have to."
    "Why do you call Sam by his first name?" I asked suddenly.
    Lucent scrunched up his brow.  Pulling his plate towards him, he began meticulously slicing his sandwich into bite-sized pieces.  "It's complicated," he said before taking a bite of his breakfast.
    "I'd like to know, though," I said.
    He chewed and swallowed, then took another bite.  He didn't answer me until he finished swallowing that one.  "I don't know how to explain it.  There's a lot of back story involved."
    "Do you feel more comfortable with him than you do with me?"
    He reached for his mimosa and took a deep sip.  "That's a complicated question, as well."
    "It seems to me," I said, "everything is complicated if you don't want to answer it.  Can you tell me anything that's not complicated?"
    He sighed, laughing slightly.  I knew it was a sort of silly question, but I just wanted him to tell me something.  I wanted closeness and intimacy again.  We'd had it this morning, but I felt like we lost it sometime between now and then.  The near encounter with a police officer who wanted to arrest us certainly didn't help.  Stress and worry destroyed a part of the integrity of our relationship, but I wouldn't let it destroy the rest.
    I helped Lucent.  And Lucent helped me.