Free Duty Free by Moni Mohsin Page A

said she had to go home, so being the soft-headed and gentle soul that I am, I gave her five hundred dollars and time off for two weeks and she never came back. I think so she got another job somewhere else. Very selfish they are, I must say. And then I found Jameela and so I thought
chalo
, never mind, if God takes with one hand He gives with the other. Even if He takes English-speaking smart Filipina and gives Punjabi-speaking illitred
desi
. One shouldn’t complain because He is like that only.
    Now Sunny is after me to get another Filipina but Mulloo says Natasha is
tau
still really anti them even three years after her Filipina left. She gave so much of trouble that don’t even ask. Apparently she was having an affair with
both
the driver and the cook and also taking money from them both and when they found out about each other there was a huge
phudda
in her house with both of them rushing at each other with kitchen knives and car-jacks. Police had to come. So embarrassing.No, no, I think so I’ll wait for a
desi
. At least she will have the decency to have one affair at a time. First cook, then driver, then bearer, and then guard. Everyone has a turn and everyone is happy. Mummy is right, you know, all these people think about is You Know What.

21 October
    Kulchoo’s been home all day reading Facebook, because schools and colleges are all closed. Again. This time because the fundos have attacked Islamic University in Isloo and killed six students. Janoo’s been muttering non-stop about Kulchoo’s disrupted education. But I said (we’ve started speaking now but only little, little) he’ll only get educated if he lives, no? Even though he’s an Oxen, sometimes Janoo says such crack things.
    Even when schools open danger won’t go away. Because the fundos
tau
are here to stay, na. Where will they go? Kabul? Kashmir? Waziristan? And then they’ll be back because they like it here with Sat TV and bazaars full of olive oils and imported cheeses. So I’ve told Kulchoo from now only that I won’t let him out of my sights even. He’ll go to school, with driver and armed guard, and come straight back and that’s it. No roaming around, no friends’ houses, no Pizza Hut, no DVD shops, no mini-golf, no nothing. Not even tuition. Of course he shouted and screamed and said I’m polaroid about the Talibans but I say better polaroid than dead. No?
    I said to Janoo that we should leave Pakistan and go away somewhere for a while.
    “Like where?” he said.
    “Dubai,” I said. I wanted to say London but servants in London are not nice, always wanting holidays on Sundays and so full of attitude, almost as if they didn’t know they were servants. At least Dubai has good supply of Filipinas and South Indians who know they’re servants. And they also speak nice English. Not like the illitreds here who can only speak Punjabi.
    “And do what in Dubai?” asked Janoo.
    “Live,” I said.
    All our friends have two, two passports. Sunny’s father was born in London so she’s got UK passport. Baby and Jamal have got Canadian. And they’re all set with a three-bed apartment in Missy Saga in Toronto where all the
desis
live and now whenever anyone says things are going to the bogs in Pakistan they smile smugly and say nothing. And Aslam and Natasha have bought a house in Malaysia in Koala Lumpur because he’s into rubber in a big way, so they’re all right. Only Mulloo and Tony and we have nothing. Mulloo and Tony because they don’t even have enough money left to bribe a lawyer or buy property over the seas but of course Mulloo won’t admit and she says it’s because she’s a patriot and that she was born here and she’ll die here. Janoo of course is just bore and says he’s not going to dessert a sinking ship. I told him I’m not talking about the
Titanic
, you know. He said I might as well be. I think so he’s lost it.
    So then I said okay forget about me because obviously you don’t give two hoops about whether