Free 01 - Pongwiffy a Witch of Dirty Habits by Kaye Umansky - (ebook by Undead) Page A

his swinging medallions.
    Pongwiffy stepped forward and dropped a deep, wobbling curtsy. Her heel
caught in her hem, and there was a nasty tearing sound. It didn’t matter—holes
were a feature of the dress.
    “Mr Sinister—may I call you Scott? I feel I know you so well. Scott, this is
indeed an honour. I am Witch Pongwiffy, your humble fan.”
    “Hmm. So you’re the hag who threatened to put rats in my pool,” said Scott
Sinister coldly.
    “I am,” confessed Pongwiffy. “But I wouldn’t have done it, you know. Not
really. I think you’re wonderful. It seemed the only way to get you here. So
let’s forget all about it, I don’t want anything to spoil this wonderful
moment.”
    Just then, something did spoil the wonderful moment. Lulu the starlet stepped
from the coach, dripping with jewels and wearing a white evening gown. She was
followed by Plugugly, with whom, as we know, Pongwiffy has had dealings in the
past.
    “My entourage,” said Scott Sinister haughtily. “I never go anywhere without
them.”
    “Oh? Well that’s a pity, Scott, because, you see, we don’t allow Goblins in
Witch Territory.”
    Pongwiffy gave her Wand a casual little wave, and Plugugly vanished with a
howl of protest. All that was left of him was a sad little pile of buttons and
an egg-stained bow tie, which fluttered to the ground like an ailing butterfly.
    “Darling, who is this smelly old woman?” enquired Lulu, fluttering her
eyelashes.
    “Pongwiffy. Cheerio,” said Pongwiffy rudely, waving her Wand again. Lulu
disappeared with a startled little scream. Her jewels remained behind, however,
and Pongwiffy picked them up and popped them into her pocket—just for
safekeeping, naturally.
    “We have a rule about stuck-up hussies in nighties too,” she explained to
Scott Sinister, who had gone really pale. “Isn’t this nice? I’ve got you
all to myself.” And linking her arm with his, she propelled him firmly towards
the hall.
    There was a great deal of oohing and ahhing, nudging and whispering and
scattered applause as Pongwiffy, bursting with pride, escorted the famous star
up the gangway to the seat of honour slap in the middle of the front row. You
could tell it was the seat of honour because it was the only one with a cushion.
    Scott Sinister swallowed hard as he peered around at the assembled audience.
He was used to horrifying sights in his profession, but never had he seen such a
grisly mob as this. To give him his due, though, he kept his head, and managed a
limp wave and a bow or two before Pongwiffy shoved him impatiently into the
special chair. There he sat, chewing his nails nervously, wondering what he’d
let himself in for.
    Pongwiffy, in her role as compere, scuttled up to the stage and began what
was intended to be a very long opening speech.
    “Ladies and Gentlemen, Fiends, Demons and Bogeymen, lend me your ears,” she
said importantly. “Thank you for coming. We’re very honoured to have here
tonight, Mr. Scott Sinister, who will judge the first ever Witch Talent Contest
to be held in the history of the universe.”
    “Hooray!” enthused the audience, throwing crisp bags around. “It was me who
thought of getting him, you know,” went on Pongwiffy. “In fact, this whole
talent contest which you are about to enjoy was my idea, and I’d just like to
say a few words about how I…”
    “Boo!”
    “Siddown!”
    “Gerronwivit!”
    “Oh, all right,” said Pongwiffy sulkily. “Have it your own way. Is the first
act ready back there, Hugo?”
    A muffled squeak came from behind the closed curtains.
    “Right. Well, the first act is Agglebag and Bagaggle, who will play a musical
duet. Take it away, boys!”
    The Witchway Rhythm Boys took it away and played a few bars of something
rather horrible. Pongwiffy scurried to her chair which was set in the wings, the
house lights dimmed, and the Great Talent Contest finally began.

 
     
CHAPTER SEVEN
THE CONTEST
     
     
    The curtains