Free Beyond Vica by T. C. Booth Page A

the people in the cars driving by, “How can you go to work when he’s gone?”
    I pull my knees to my chest and rest my head on them. My shoulders shake with my sobs. I’m still in my pajama pants and tank-top, but I don’t care. I sense someone’s eyes on me and raise my head.
    Brody’s walking up the driveway in athletic pants. His T-shirt has a pool of sweat on the front. He’s panting. I hop off of the swing and down the steps of the porch. I run down the driveway and leap into his arms. He lifts me up. I wrap my legs around his waist. He holds me tight. I bury my face in the crook his neck and we both cry. I feel his shoulders shake and I tighten my hold on him.
    After a few minutes, he releases me and wipes away the hair from my face. “I couldn’t sleep, so I went for a run. I know it’s early, but I had to see you.”
    I don’t say anything. I take his face between my hands and kiss him. I say with that kiss all the things I want to tell him: I’m sorry for being selfish, I’m sorry for hurting you, I need you, we lost someone special to us . We are both breathless when I pull away.
    His gray eyes penetrate mine. “We’re going to be okay, Gabby.” He rests his forehead against mine.

Chapter Seventeen
    Mom called the guidance counselor at school and told her I wouldn’t be back all week. Sam’s funeral is tomorrow, Wednesday. Mrs. Hershey was cool about it, of course. She said I could take my exams online up to a week after school was out.
    Marie calls me. She sounds better than I expected. She says Sarah is doing okay. Sarah doesn’t fully understand where Sam is. I remember it was hard for me to understand where my dad was when I was her age. Marie asks if I want to speak at Sam’s funeral. I hesitate, but I know it’s something I have to do, so I agree to do it.
    I’m in bed with my notebook once again, only this time the words flow from me like a river emptying itself into a bay.
    ****
    I step into the blue sundress Mom and I got shopping yesterday, and I stick my arms through the armholes. With the straps in place, I zip up the back. I already curled my hair and put on makeup. I tried to get some of the swelling down in my eyelids by placing cold washcloths over them. It helped a little, but they’re still puffy.
    â€œYou ready?” Mom pokes her head in my room.
    I sigh. “Yeah, as ready as I can be.”
    She holds her arm out to me. I walk to her and slip my arm around her waist. We walk to the car with our arms around each other and head to Sam’s funeral.
    ****
    Sam’s casket is closed and draped with a beautiful spray of blue-violet flowers that I helped my mom arrange at her flower shop. We mixed a special baby’s breath with the blue flowers called Million Star Baby’s Breath. The baby’s breath looks just like its name: a million stars against the blue flowers. Sam’s school picture from this year is on an easel next to the casket.
    Marie rushes over to me when she sees me walk in. We hold each other and sob for a long while. Sam’s dad puts his arms around both of us and joins our crying. I didn’t know it was possible to have so many tears. I’ve cried more the past few days than I have for last fifteen years.
    Brody and I sit with the family in the front row. Sarah is on Brody’s lap with her head on his shoulder. When the pastor is done with his talk of Heaven and Sam being taken to a better place, it’s time for me to get up and speak.
    My insides jitter and my legs shake on my way to the lectern. I lay my letter on the stand and grasp either side of it with my hands. I lick my dry lips and look out at the faces of Sam’s family, people I don’t know, and my classmates. I see Jamie’s turquoise hair. She’s seated in the back. I catch her eye, and she gives me an encouraging smile.
    I take a deep breath and lean toward the microphone.