Free A Sadness Within by Sara Fiorenzo Page B

someone out for an evening walk. Within a few minutes, I had reached her house.
    There was a solitary light on, but it wasn’t in the living room. She was not at the piano tonight, which made me painfully aware of the gnawing in my chest.  It must be her bedroom light, because she was standing in front, gazing out. I stood by a tree, just out of range of the lamp light spilling on the lawn. I was struck by her beauty, even in her t-shirt and sweat pants. Her hair was pulled up in a ponytail, save for a few strands that fell in front of her green eyes. I could sense her sadness.
    “She does have a certain appeal, doesn’t she?” Celia was beside me and I turned, startled, to glare at her.
    “That doesn’t help. What are you doing, following me? I told you I don’t need a babysitter.” I couldn’t hide the annoyance in my tone.
    “Stalk much?” she said lifting an eyebrow in accusation. “I was only kidding. And no, I am not babysitting you. Just curious,” she chided.
    Julia squinted out the window and we flattened ourselves against the tree, hoping to disappear as we became one with the shadows. She looked quizzical for a moment, rubbing her hand across her wrinkled brow. Suddenly, she turned on her heel and was gone. I could hear her tread through the house as she walked. Then, I heard the piano bench pull out softly. She was going to play. This is what I had hoped for.
    She sat in the dark, but my vision made it possible to see her silhouette as she sat at the piano. She placed her hands upon the keys and began to play, slowly and quietly. The song gradually grew in intensity, and I could feel her emotions swirl around her as they changed. She was content. She was happy when she played. This must be the cause of the turmoil I sensed within her. She may feel sadness, but when she played, the feelings were replaced by joy. I felt the same. When she played, she made me happy as well. My cold heart warmed, and I suddenly longed for another existence so different from the one I had been enjoying.  My mind went back to the scene that first entered my mind this afternoon of Julia and me at the piano. Celia was right, I did want more. Julia made me want to be better. She made me want to reawaken my soul. I finally began to realize why my father and Cee were always so happy. Being human meant so much more.
    Julia’s song stopped, but she didn’t get up. She stayed at the keys and flexed her fingers lightly over them. A deep sigh escaped her lips, and I could sense her contentment. The bench creaked lightly when she finally got up and walked back through the house. I sat back against the tree not wanting to move.
    “Will, I think you’re okay here,” Celia’s voice was barely above a whisper. “I will just meet you at home.” She placed her hand on mine and squeezed.
    I barely heard her leave, as I was too distracted. I couldn’t tear my eyes from the girl who had gone back to her bedroom. It only took a few moments for her to settle into bed and fall asleep. I could see her through the open curtains, and the rising moon made shadows play across her face, which began to soften with sleep. I wanted nothing more than to go into her room and hold her while she slept. I wanted to let her warmth heat my cold body. I wanted to caress her cheek and feel her hair play across my skin. Most of all, I wanted her to play for me. I wanted all of this more than anything in the world; I just didn’t know how to get it. I didn’t know how to fight the darkness inside of me. How could I stop what had become second nature to me? I couldn’t do any of the things I’d envisioned because she hadn’t invited me in.  She hadn’t given me permission to be in her life. I could only hope that someday, she would.
     
     
    Celia was waiting up for me when I got back to the house, as I knew she would be.
    “How are you,” she tentatively asked.
    “I don’t know.” The words tumbled out, and I ran my hands nervously through my