Free Nobody Bats a Thousand by Steve Schmale Page B

for. What do you say?”
    “Okay. ” MJ perked up, and in a manner of minutes they were out on the road in MJ’s little Rambler heading north.
    “Wow, this is living,” Patty said, her window fully down, the frigid air rushing in. “With my three-wheeler and my little cart I do okay, but this is it. If I had a setup like this I’d have it made. Hey, turn into that mini-mart. I need a beer.”
    Mary Jean parked in front of the store.
    “You wouldn’t have any change, would ya?
              The smallest MJ had was a five-dollar bill. She handed it to Patty.
    “You want a beer too?”
    “Sure,” Mary Jean responded. It just seemed to be the thing to say.
    Soon they were in Patty’s secret alley, about a quarter of a mile stretch dead-ending in a big circle at one end. Tall brick fences and huge trees separated the alley from the ponderous and pompous houses it served.
    “Okay, the number one rule of trashing is to keep your car running, this ain’t really illegal, but you can never be too careful, so we gotta work fast.”
    They quickly went at it, searching the neatly stacked piles behind each house, and soon Mary Jean learned that this little, mean, foul-mouthed, bad-smelling thing in the dirty red hat was right. This alley was a gold mine. Knowing she already had more than enough junk of her own, MJ was disciplined enough to keep her paws off several things she strongly coveted, but still, in about forty-five minutes they had loaded up a nearly new wicker trunk, filled it with planters, books and a hand-woven rug; filled her car’s trunk with another small wooden trunk, a wooden magazine holder, two large wrought-iron candle holders; then they finished off, packing more things—two slightly damaged barstools and an oak bookcase—into her backseat until Mary Jean couldn’t see through her rear window and had to use her side mirrors to see behind her.
    They U-turned and came back down the alley with Patty half hanging out the window almost salivating at things they had to leave behind. “Damn, I wish you had a bigger car. Maybe we could make another trip?”
    “Maybe, let’s get this done first.”
    “Let’s get another beer first. There’s a store up there on the right. You wouldn’t have any change, would ya?”
    “You didn’t give me any change back from before.”
    “Oh, that’s right. Well, it’s on me then,” Patty said. A few minutes later she sat back down and handed Mary Jean another twenty-four ounce Bud. “First stop, Barry’s White Elephant .  Make a right and go straight.”
    They pulled up to Barry’s, which was downtown, and MJ helped Patty drag the bookcase from the backseat. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”
    “Here’s the picture of my clock.”
    “ Your what?  Oh yeah, give it to me.”
    “What did he say?” MJ asked as Patty sat and closed the door.
    “He said he was overstocked, things were slow and couldn’t go a penny higher, that fucking crook.”
    “No, what did he say about the picture?  Has he seen my clock?”
    “Ah, no, no he hasn’t seen it. Hey, the next stop is only about a mile away. Make a left here.”
    Again the proprietor hadn’t seen MJ’s clock. At the third and final stop, after Patty had closed out her inventory and carried it into the store, MJ crept out of her car and watched through a large side window as Red Hat Patty worked her transaction.
    “So what did he say about my clock?”
    “Sorry, he hadn’t seen it either. Maybe we could get another beer and make one more run, what’d you say?” Patty handed the photo to Mary Jean.
    “How would you know whether he’d seen it or not since you didn’t show him the picture?”
    “Sure I showed it to him.”
    “No you didn’t. I watched you. You never pulled it out of your pocket. I bet you didn’t show it to the other two guys either.”
    “Are you calling me a liar?”
    “Yeah, yeah I am. You’re a Big, Fat, Liar !”
    “Well, that’s it. Red Hat Pat ty