Free Lessons Learned by Sydney Logan Page A

cheek, wiping away my tears.
    “You’re a beautiful mess.”
    It wasn’t the first time he’d told me I was beautiful, but the words surprised me just the same.
    Feeling slightly calmer, I buried my face against his chest once again. Sighing softly, his arms tightened around me. The whistles and cheers were a distant echo as we held onto one another in the darkness.
    “Better?”
    I nodded.
    “Let me take you home,” Lucas whispered against my ear.
    I lifted my head toward his. “I can drive.”
    He looked skeptical.
    “It’s the weekend. I can’t just leave my car at the stadium.”
    Lucas nodded. “Okay, but I’m following you home.”
    “Okay.”
    Taking my hand, Lucas led us out of the shadows.

    “This porch swing is amazing,” Aubrey said.
    The freezing temperatures of last night gave way to a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Lucas had called at dawn, checking to make sure I was all right. He now had a small piece of my story, thanks to Matt’s mom, and her reference to the gun. He didn’t mention it, though, and I convinced him I was fine despite the fact my night had been restless. I’d finally given in around three and had taken my medication. After that, I did manage to sleep, but I had crazy nightmares.  They’d seemed so real at the time, but I could hardly remember them in the daylight. I’d napped throughout the morning until Aubrey called, and I invited her over for lunch to apologize for abandoning her last night.
    “I was just worried about you, but then I got excited.” Aubrey grinned mischievously.
    “I suppose hoping the two of you deserted me to go find a back road and a back seat was just wishful thinking?”
    “Very wishful,” I replied quietly, careful not to disturb the sleeping child in my arms. Daniel had been full of energy during lunch, but once we were outside, the rhythmic rocking of the swing had lulled him right to sleep. It surprised me how much I loved holding him.
    “You need one.”
    Confused, I looked up. “One what?”
    Aubrey nodded toward her son, and I rolled my eyes.
    “Oh yeah, a baby is exactly what I need right now.”
    We grew quiet then, each of us lost in our thoughts. I knew she was curious about last night, and I felt compelled to offer her some sort of explanation.
    “Aubrey, I had a panic attack last night.”
    She tilted her head. “Really? Is that why you left?”
    I nodded. My fingers lingered in Daniel’s hair, twisting the curly strands framing his peaceful face.
    “Debbie didn’t mean to upset you.”
    “I know she didn’t. It’s inevitable. I’ve moved back to my hometown. People are going to mention my parents. It’s just something I have to get used to, you know?”
    “Is that why you stayed away from Sycamore Falls? To avoid the memories?”
    I sighed. “Memphis was such a clean slate. No one knew anything about my past or my family unless I wanted them to know. Random strangers didn’t just walk up to me, ask about my parents’ accident, or how I was handling it all. It was much easier to move on with my life.”
    “But you weren’t moving on,” Aubrey murmured. “You were avoiding dealing with the pain.”
    “That’s what my therapist says, too, but in Memphis, I was at least able to function somewhat normally. I had a decent job and good friends, and I had a boyfriend who loved me as long as I kept my emotions in check.”
    Her forehead creased. “He should have loved you even when you couldn’t hold it together.”
    “Maybe that’s why he’s my ex -boyfriend.”
    Her face grew thoughtful.
    “Lucas took care of you last night.”
    “Yes, and it wasn’t the first time.”
    Aubrey listened intently while I told her about the first panic attack I’d had in front of him.
    “And he stayed, which is something Ryan had never done for me.”
    “I’m glad you have him, Sarah.”
    “Me too. He’s a good friend.”
    Smiling, she cleared her throat. “So, have you been to the falls lately?”
    I sighed. I was