Free The Foul Mouth and the Fanged Lady by Richard Raley Page A

maybe. Of course .
. . they were in my shop behind the front, not out here with
me.
    All I had out there with me and the vampire
were antiques. Antiques . . . I stood next to my teapot display.
They had to weigh . . . what? Five pounds each? Made of ceramic?
Round enough to cup them in a hand . . .
    Better than nothing.
    “We can stop, King Henry,” Annie B tried.
“Just come with me. Two days for your services, that’s all I
ask.”
    “If you’d asked, maybe I’d have said yes ,” I decided. My hand found a teapot behind my back and
grabbed onto it. A sadistic part of me hoped it was pink with
flowers. “But you ordered . . . and I don’t like ordering. Don’t
like people that order, either. Don’t like people who bully .
If you are even people . I saw the look, Annie B. Saw the
look like you wanted to wear me like a fur coat. Don’t think I’m
going to just walk off with you after that one. This fur coat goes
down with a fight.”
    Her neck bent from side to side as she moved
her tongue to touch her lips once more. As a gesture, it was more
animal than human. “And I saw the look in your face, King Henry,”
she accused me, her expression all hunger.
    I frowned. “What look?”
    “The look at the counter . . .” she moaned,
throaty, dark tendrils of sound pulling me into her. “Like you
wanted to rip my pants off, turn me around, and wear me like
a sleeve.”
    Vampire or not, she had a fair point with
that one. “Didn’t last long . . .” I apologized. “It’s been awhile
. . .”
    “Neither did mine . . .” she returned. “We
all have our urges, human or . . . other . Perhaps if we have
a moment of peace and quiet, we can . . . share them with each
other.”
    My dick dropped out of my pants and ran for
the back door. “Come near me and I’ll beat your ass again.”
    “Promises . . .” she whispered, feet
advancing towards me.
    I backed up pace for pace, teapot hidden
behind the bulk of my geomancer’s coat. Over my shoulder, the door
from the antique store into my shop got closer. “No more playing,
Annie B! You come at me and I’ll mess you up, you hear?”
    “Bluffing little boy,” she snarled at me,
hips, arms, her whole body swaying in a way that got a man’s blood
pumping. “Doesn’t have enough of a charge to do anything about the
nasty predator stalking him, but is showing his feathers to try to
buy himself time.”
    Shit .
    Annie B leapt the rest of the way to me
without any forewarning. One moment it was a slow step by step and
then she sprang like some type of Olympic athlete, ten feet through
the air, arm whooshing towards my head. If it hit, it would have
knocked me out. There’s this kind of jumping punch in MMA called
the superman-punch. This thing made all those punches look like the
superboy-punch. Would have ended my night early. No time for
dessert. Straight to bed, little boy.
    Except for my teapot.
    You can bet I’ve never ever wanted to have
to utter those words.
    Except for my teapot .
    I chucked the teapot at her the same time
she jumped. I’d meant to take her in the head but because of her
leap it nailed her in the chest, five pounds of pain. It didn’t
break apart. Nice. Once upon a time they made products to last. The
teapot stopped Annie B cold, her punch left swinging wildly in the
air as she crashed to the ground.
    My feet sped up, running me towards my back
room.
    FYI . . . teapot was red with a yellow
chicken on it.
    Old ladies will buy anything . . .
    [CLICK]
     
    I figured I had time to make a grab for one
artifact before she followed me through the door into my shop. I
didn’t even think about which one until I stood over them. It’s not
like there were tons. Geo-anima, cryo-anima, aero-anima,
floro-anima, and fauna-anima were the types I had steady supplies
for. Everything else I had to buy and everything else I was out
of.
    It’s not practical to make artifacts if they
cost me too much. Supply/demand, all that stuff you slept through
during