Free Victoria by Anna Kirwan Page B

wine and said, “He’s a capital fellow.” Someone I overheard but did not see, for he was behind the Chinese screen – and I am glad not to know who is such a traitor – said, “If only Sir John had the management of the Throne, he’d whip it all into shape, would he not?”
    Feo, this makes me ill, remembering.

Later
    Mamma was having a pleasant evening at first, I believe. There was pheasant and saddle of venison and crown roast of pork and a great lot of other stuff, everything O’Hum likes, and six wines. When Mrs MacLeod took Toire, and Lehzen and I went up to bed, Mamma was full of cheer and had roses on her cheeks.
    I went to sleep for quite a while, I thought, but something woke me v late at night. I’d taken a nap in the afternoon because of the party, so I was all at once v much awake, not at all sleepy. So I thought I’d write, since I have so little time for it these days. I had put my diary in the red drawing room behind the inlaid cabinet full of little ivory elephants that General Clive brought home from India, and I crept out of bed to go and get it. Lehzen must have been deep asleep, for she said nothing to me. And she does snore a bit, not loudly, but one can hear her. I was halfway down to the corner of the corridor when I heard Captain Conroy’s voice up ahead, and I saw there was a crack of light around the door into the card room. I thought at first that he’d stayed up playing whist and was arguing over the game.
    â€œWhat SHE likes, is it?” he was saying. “NEVER a woman who knew what she liked nor would shut her mouth blathering about what SHE likes, what SHE likes!”
    Then – oh, Feo, I heard Mamma’s voice, and she did not sound calm.
    â€œLower your tone,” she said. “Don’t talk to me so.” But she did not sound firm. There was a different quality in her voice. I think she was distressed and agitated.
    I came close to the door, thinking I would fling it open and say they would cause me a bad dream. But as I approached, I heard some piece of furniture scraping suddenly across the floor, and Captain Conroy saying, lower, but very angrily, “Always what SHE likes, but who does the work, I ask you!” Then I heard more scraping, and a thump against the wall.
    I thought Mamma might not like me to intrude on a private quarrel, but this did not seem usual. So, although I was terrified, I stepped up to the door and peered into the room.
    Oh, Feo. He had her pushed against the wall in the corner, and was holding her there. She twisted and tried to escape him, but he held her fast against the panelling, and kept saying, “SHE wants, does she, does she? But who’s the one who does the work, eh?”
    I could tell he might harm her. I was sure of it.
    But here is the problem: I didn’t know if he meant what Mamma wants, or what I want. For they are both always looking out for my interests, they are always telling me. So I thought if I went in, he might turn on me, too, and Mamma would be worse off.
    I was such a coward. I am ashamed of it now. I am not like my Papa. I ran back down the corridor to Mamma’s antechamber. De Spaeth was there, sitting up reading, waiting for Mamma to turn in. I was trembling and weeping (I realized later) and could hardly speak sensibly, but waved my arm, pointing, and said, “He’s hurting her, stop him hurting her!” And de Spaeth leapt up from her chair and said, “An assassin, a robber?”
    â€œThe Captain!” I told her. “Sir John!”
    But de Spaeth did not seem to understand me. At least, I thought, either she didn’t understand or she just didn’t believe me. She said, “Your Highness, you should be in bed!”
    I said, “A good thing I’m not! The Captain is attacking Mamma! Stop him!” But she seized me by the hand and brought me into my corner of the bedchamber and tucked me in (so tight I could