Gabrielle on the other hand knew she wouldnât.
Max was aware that Gabrielle came from a staunch Catholic background and only agreed to progress with her plans if she at least had the wedding blessed. He claimed that if her parents eventually did assent, that they could at least prove they had done everything properly. To keep Max quiet, Gabrielle reluctantly spoke to a priest and arranged a blessing for the weeks after the wedding. Her parentâs approval no longer mattered to her; they and everything that ever hurt her were boxed and placed them on her shelf.
Once again in the weeks approaching the wedding Max began nagging her, this time to try once more to involve her family. And just as with the church blessing his gentle but persistent goading won out. Gabrielle knew that the only way to quell his demands was to offer the white flag and invite them. The very act went against every fibre of her body, yet maybe just maybe Max was right and this situation, this deadlock could be rectified.
For Gabrielle the idea of being the one to initiate contact made her bristle, as far as she was concerned her parents knew that they were in the wrong. Why should she get in touch when they should be contacting her? Eventually she got used to the idea and began to think that perhaps they were waiting for contact from her. It was perfectly conceivable that Maxâs idea wasnât entirely outlandish. They were her parents and she at least owed them the courtesy of an invitation.
On my Maxâs part his family werenât much better but he had long since severed any ties with them.
Max had grown up in Lagos and came from a much superior background than Gabrielleâs. His father was a senior figure in the Nigerian civil service. He was a strict disciplinarian and had expected greatness from his children. Max and his brothers and sisters were pushed into education, hobbies were quelled and fun was frowned upon. All focus was put on their studies. Each of them was encouraged to enter the medical profession. They were offered incentives such as having their university fees paid, all expenses taken care of whilst studying and a handsome reward on completion. Any career other than medicine was not considered acceptable.
Maxâs family was large. He and two of his brothers were products of their fatherâs first marriage. He did not talk much of his other siblings, they were his half brothers and sisters and from his demeanour when he spoke of them it was clear that strife of one form or another existed within the family. Since he never volunteered any information Gabrielle never probed him. He would tell her all about them when he was ready and she was willing to wait.
It seemed that with one notable exception, the wishes of his father were adhered to. One by one each sibling full and half had entered into and embraced medicine. All but Max had succeeded and were now either on their way to, or had already been crowned with the lofty title of doctor. Max was unique in his choice of accountancy, something his father strongly disapproved of. Gabrielle found the situation entirely nonsensical and used to joke with me when I enquired about it. After all if that was how his father reacted to an accountant imagine his reaction to a pimp.
Maxâs father had a plan for his children, their interests or autonomy were irrelevant. If they did not meet their fatherâs expectations they became something to be ashamed of. Max possibly as a result of stubbornness and sheer obstinacy ignored his fatherâs wishes and pursued his career in accountancy. He went to England and took an accountancy degree, after which he found a graduate position in one of the of the big five accountancy firms. He was transferred to Belfast and within the year fate brought him to Gabrielle.
For Max his alternative choice of career meant a struggle. He had not obeyed his fatherâs instructions and was forced to pay his own way through