Free The Lonely by Ainslie Hogarth Page B

wind exhaled through The Woods and cooled the blood on my cheeks, brushing the hair off my forehead and dragging knuckles softly across my face, running a cool finger beneath the ring of my shirt collar the way The Mother would sometimes do on hot days after she’d been rummaging through the freezer. It always put a smile on my face, involuntary, as though she were turning a dial around the base of my neck that made my grin grow wider and wider. I always yelped at her to stop. “Cut it out!” I’d whine, but she’d caught my smile and would do it again.
    The wind made me wonder why I’d rubbed this blood all over my face. Why I didn’t want anyone to find me. It reminded me that I wasn’t the only person on earth. Because that can happen in a stripe of woods. I could easily forget that I’m just one girl, like many other girls. And most other girls lying in The Woods, bleeding, crushed beneath a rock, would be scared and worried and screaming for help. Maybe even praying. They certainly wouldn’t feel relieved, or take comfort in the idea of not existing anymore. But then again, they’d probably never seen anything like The Terrible Thing, so it didn’t seem fair to compare.
    Though I really must remember to remember: I am one of many I s. In fact, to everyone else in the world, I’m you . And the wind helped me to remember that, like a loud noise or a bucket of water splashed into my face, pulling me from a dream. Which I suppose I appreciated in some ways, but in other ways I very much didn’t. I’m you, I’m you, I’m you. I’m I, I’m I, I’m I. I’m two people at once, always, and so are you.
    And suddenly fast footsteps cut through brittle leaves, louder and louder until they stopped somewhere above my head. A shadow on the forest floor.
    I looked up and saw Julia. Had she seen The Terrible Thing? A ball of something vile formed in my throat and my heart gathered steam, pumping loud enough to keep the death-eating bugs away. I couldn’t tell from her face.
    â€œJulia … ” I began, but couldn’t continue. I needed to know if she’d seen it before I could speak.
    â€œEaster. The door’s locked. I need your keys.”
    I exhaled loudly and the tears that had nestled in the corners of my eyes, perched and ready to fall, sucked themselves back in from where they came. No need to cry yet. She hadn’t seen it. The Terrible Thing still might never have happened because only I saw it. And I could never really be sure of anything I saw. Until Julia confirmed it anyway. Because she’s the only person I’d ever really trusted; the only person I could really believe.
    â€œI’m sorry I left you down here, Julia.”
    She made her way down the side of the cliff, ignoring me, complaining about the inconvenience of having to come back for the keys.
    â€œI said I’m sorry I left you here,” I repeated.
    â€œI know,” she said.
    â€œWhen this is all over I’ll come and stay with you. We can live here together.”
    â€œWe’ll see about that.”
    I could hear her huffing and puffing as she moved from her legs to her bum where the side of the cliff got steep. Pebbles trickled down with her, cracking against the rocks at the bottom.
    â€œWhy’d you rub blood all over your face?” she asked, puzzled and out of breath.
    I’d forgotten about that.
    â€œI don’t know. Nothing else to do.”
    She nodded. “Why don’t you count something?”
    â€œLike what?”
    â€œI don’t know, leaves. Count the leaves. I’ve already counted them a few times. Let’s see if we get the same number.”
    What a good idea. How could I have ever left her here? How could I have ever lived without her? What was I thinking? I felt more like my real self now than I had in weeks. Even though I was technically only half of myself.
    She crunched over to me,