Free Verse by Moses Roth Page B

right. I wish we could all be fighting this together. I wish I really was the messiah and we’d all be sneaking around school, talking quietly, trying not to get caught. It’d be fun, like a game. But that’s all it would be. Just a game. It’s not real. It’s fake.”
    “No. No. This is the realest thing I’ve ever known. The truest.”
    I shake my head. “It’s not. And this can’t be a test, because if I were the messiah, I wouldn’t be capable of this.”
    “The messiah is capable of anything.”
    “But I wouldn’t do this. The messiah would never lie to you, so I can’t be the messiah.”
    That look on his face, heartbroken. But he says, “There’s one other possibility. You do believe this, because you’ve been deceived by Satan.”
    “The messiah is supposed to defeat Satan.”
    “In the end, you will.”
    “No. I won’t. There’s no messiah and there’s no devil either. Or maybe there is, but I’m just a regular guy, I’m not involved.”
    “I don’t get it. I saw you talking with Iris a lot lately, I wanted to ask her if she knew what was wrong with you, but she said she didn’t know anything. I know she doesn’t believe, did she convince you you’re not the messiah?”
    I half-laugh. “No. I mean, kind of, but no. That’s not what this is about.”
    “Kind of?”
    “No, Iris makes some good points, but I realized I wasn’t the messiah for myself.”
    “Is this like a senior thing, you’re all nervous about graduation?”
    “No. I mean yes I am, but this isn’t about that either.”
    “And I wanted to ask Faye what she thought but I don’t even know if she knows, she’s been absent for two days, she’s sick.”
    I glance at the clock. Almost time for class.
    “What?” he says.
    I look at him. “What?”
    “You looked all funny when I mentioned Faye.”
    “Nothing.”
    “Did she say something to you? I know she can be stupid sometimes, I mean we were dating for a while.”
    “It’s not like that.”
    “Then what’s it like? Tell me.”
    I look down. “I had sex with her.”
    “What?”
    I look up, he’s turning red.
    He comes at me, grabbing my collar. “I should freaking kill you.”
    I say, “Are you in love with her?”
    He punches me in the side of my face. My head shoots back, snapping my neck.
    He’s gone, out the door.
    It doesn’t really hurt, but—
    My eyes are welling.
    It doesn’t even hurt.
    I sob.
    I lean over, my hands on my legs.
    Tears, dripping down.
    Why?
    It doesn’t hurt, it’s just so, I don’t know, I can’t believe he—
    And I can’t stop sobbing.

Chapter 32
     
    The ringing phone wakes me from my doze. It gets dark so early this time of year.
    I get up and grab the cordless off my desk and answer, “Hello?” sitting back down on the bed.
    She says, “Hi, is Manuel Kadur there?” I don’t recognize her voice.
    “This is he.”
    “My name is Veronica Sheen. I’m following up on a call you made to the Times about some religious censorship at Grant High.”
    My stomach drops. “Yeah.”
    “You claim to be the messiah and the faculty is preventing you from practicing your faith in school?”
    “Okay.”
    “Is that true?”
    “Am I the messiah?”
    “Have you claimed to be the messiah?”
    “Uh, yeah.”
    “And are the faculty preventing you from religious practices?”
    “Yes.”
    “I’d like to interview you face-to-face.”
    I rub sleep out of my right eye. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
    “I understand if you’re having some cold feet. It’s all right, don’t worry. It’s just casual. I’m coming to Grant tomorrow. Maybe we could just have lunch together or grab a cup of coffee after school?”
    “I’m really not trying to make this worse than it already is.”
    “Okay, but listen, there’s a story here. It’s going to be written. It’s a good idea to have your say.”
    Oh man. “Okay. I have a free period at 2:15.”

Chapter 33
     
    I meet Ms. Sheen at the entrance of the school and