Free Always Be Mine~ by G.V. Steitz Page A

he needed to tell me this probably because he didn ’t really like the guy I was seeing at the time. But what he told me, made perfect sense to me. And I always recited it before I ever acted on a feeling.
    He told me, Emma, if you only remember one thing I tell you, remember this. You can never go back. It will never be enough if you go back. If you hold hands, you can ’t go back to just waving. If you kiss someone, you can’t go back to just holding hands. If you sleep with someone, you can’t jus go back to kissing. So no matter you decide, just remember you really can’t go back. No matter whom it is.” She explains.
    I am playing with her hair as she talks to me. Twirling her hair in my fingers, watching it slip between my fingers. Repeating the same thing.
    “Good advice your dad gave you.” I tell her.
    “ So then, after high school, I was given a full ride scholarship to NYU. I went, started going through everything architecture. I was really excited. Sad of course about leaving my dad, but he assured me we would talk and email each other and see each other a lot. After my first year, I found out he was sick. MS. He had to retire and I left school to help him here. I worked my way from the bottom up to where I am at the firm I work for. And your company was the first one I took care of on my own.” She explained with a shrug.
    “ You’re amazing. You know that?” I tell her.
    “ I don’t think you realize how amazing you really are Emma. I mean, God, you gave up your entire dream of your college and scholarship…” I explain.
    She shakes her head. “No, I don’t feel like that. I couldn’t leave him here alone. But after a while, when I was gone from work, he would get hurt. Trying to things around here. He started with a cane, and ended up in a wheel chair. After awhile, it broke my heart, but I couldn’t work and take care of him at the same time. I helped too much with the finances to leave work. And he couldn’t stay alone. We tried a few nurses, but with everything he needed, living here wasn’t working out too well for him. So that’s how he ended up in the nursing home. This ended up being terrible. But the only thing we could afford.” She explains as she gives a little shiver.
    I motion for her to sit up, pulling the comforter and sheet down; I pull her into it and fold us into the blankets. They smell like flowers and vanilla, like she does.
    As she lies back down, I pull her back into my chest. This time, with her back to my chest, I wrap my arm around her, moving her hair off towards the bed, I kiss her shoulder. She feels so good in my arms.
    “ I’m sorry Matthew. I didn’t mean to kill the mood for you.” She says, sounding sad.
    “ You didn’t ruin anything baby. I am so glad you told me all of this. I feel bad you didn’t have any support. No other family?” I ask her as I kiss the back of her neck, keeping her body up against mine holding her to me. I feel protective of her now.
    “ No, my parents moved out here when they first married. The age difference between them caused my mom’s family to go against their wishes and plans for her. After she left to be with my dad, they basically wrote her off. Even after I came, her family was always invited. But they never wanted to visit. When she passed away, they didn’t even come for that. After they couldn’t even come to her wake or funeral, I wrote them off in my head. If she wasn’t good enough for them, they weren’t good enough for me to ever pursue them. My father being much older than my mother, he was an only child and his parents have passed away already.” She tells me.
    “ You smell so good.” I say into her hair. As I breathe her in. She laughs.
    “ So are you upset with me? No longer feel the desire to be with me anymore?” She asks.
    This really floors me. I can ’t believe she would even think that, let alone actually say it out loud.
    “ You’re not serious right?” I ask her
    “ If