Free Worth the Risk by Anne Lange Page B

face. He lowered their hands to his lap, holding hers tight within his. Swallowing back her own tears, her voice quivered. “I needed to pretend nothing happened. I know, now, that the likelihood may be slim, but there’s still a possibility it could happen again. Back then, I exhibited the classic signs of depression. I let it wrap around me like a blanket, and although intellectually I recognized it for what it was, I couldn’t force myself to get the help I needed. Instead, I continued on a downward spiral, until I needed to walk away.”
    “You should have come to me. I can’t believe I didn’t notice my girlfriend was going through that. What the fuck kind of guy was I that I didn’t notice you hurting?”
    “Don't do that to yourself. It wouldn’t have mattered. I’d started making other plans…”
    “What do you mean? What were you doing?”
    “I started looking for a place where I could live on my own.” His body stiffened. “I couldn’t face hurting you any more than I already had—even if you weren’t aware of it. I didn’t want to destroy your dreams too. I didn’t want to wake up one day to see disappointment in your eyes, or worse, pity. I didn’t want you to hate me.”
    “You could never disappoint me. And I would never hate you.” He paused. “I take that back. I’m disappointed that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me what was going on with you.”
    “I’ve dreamed of having my own children, our children. All I could think about was you, and what was best for you. I loved you so much, and I knew you loved me, but I couldn’t fathom the possibility of you one day turning away from me, angry at not having a complete family. Eventually there would be a huge wall between us. So I decided to set you free.”
    His voice cracked. “That wasn’t your decision to make. You didn’t even give me a chance.”
    She squeezed her eyes shut. God, this sucked. Seeing him in pain sucked. Rehashing all of this now, witnessing his hurt drained her. She didn’t want to go through this again. She turned her head and looked out over the water. The light from the moon lit up the surface.
    “I loved you more than anything—more than anyone. Even if that were true, that you couldn’t have children, it was you I wanted to spend my life with. Surely you know that.” He dragged in a shaky breath and let it out in slow measured puffs. “If I can only have you in my life, I’ll be a happy man.”
    His use of present tense startled her. A spark of hope bloomed in her chest. She tried to squash it, but it dug in, staking a claim. She had refrained from looking at him. Afraid of what she’d see in his eyes. “I do know better now, but the past is the past, and it still hurts most days. I try not to dwell on it.”
    “But it’s new for me.”
    “You’re right, and I respect that.” Regret hung heavy in the air and in her heart. “I do, but I don’t think I can help you through it. In fact, I’d rather not. I’m sorry if that’s selfish, but it’s taken me all this time to come to grips with what’s happened in my life. Work is my life now. Frankly, seeing you this weekend…well, it hasn’t been easy. I don’t need that pain in my life again. I don’t want it in my life. I’m trying to move on.” She tried, without success, to keep the wobble out her voice.
     

Chapter Nine
     
     
    Deciding to spend the day at the beach, Molly and her friends packed a cooler bursting with a variety of snacks and carried blankets, towels, and a Frisbee. They chatted and chased one another like kids as they walked down the same path she and Tanner had taken the previous night. This time, the beach buzzed with activity when they left the cover of the trees and stepped out onto the sand.
    Securing a spot that provided both sun and shade, they dragged over a picnic table, spread out their blankets and dumped their gear. The men grabbed the Frisbee, heading out to the open sand, but off to the side to