Free Has to Be Love by Jolene Perry Page B

lot. Wow …” He pushes out a couple short breaths.
    â€œYou okay?” I ask.
    Elias lets out a little chuckle. “I’m okay.”
    He swallows and his eyes find mine in the dimming light—all soft and serious.
    â€œWhat?” I ask.
    â€œDo you …” He brushes the hair off my face but doesn’t continue.
    I tug my bangs back down.
    â€œWill you do …” He clears his throat before glancing at the ground and then back up at me. “Will you do something with me tomorrow after rehearsal?”
    Something about his tone starts a new kind of nervous fluttering in my stomach. I can’t tell if it’s a good kind or a bad kind because my body’s so upside down right now.
    â€œYeah. Of course. Yeah.”
    He kisses the corner of my mouth. “Okay. Until tomorrow.”
    I let my hands slide off his waist and then let them slide over his hips before they fall to my sides. I’m not ready to let him go. To let his body go.
    Things between us are shifting, and I want them shifted. Changed. Moved forward.
    He opens my driver’s side door for me and waits until my truck starts before going to his. He always does that—makes sure that I’m okay before he makes a move. That’s Elias. I still can’t believe how lucky I am.
    â€œWhoa, what?” Cecily shrieks over the phone.
    I wince because I really do see the importance of being careful with my body and all that, but when Elias and I are together, it just doesn’t seem as crucial as it does in Sunday school. And now that I’m hours past from lying on the floor with him, guilt at how I felt is starting to squirm its way through me.
    â€œIt’s not that big a deal.” I lie back in bed, the phone pressed against my ear like Dad will somehow not hear my end of the conversation. There are seriously a bajillion things to worry about if you’re having sex with someone. Now that I’m not in the situation from earlier, I’m wondering why I wanted to do it so bad. Maybe I forgot how crappy I feel after I do something I know I shouldn’t. So, obviously my beliefs play in, but I have a pretty strong practical side too, and … Yes. Lots to worry about. Mechanics. Birth control. STDs. Getting caught …
    â€œBut you guys almost … you know.”
    â€œNo! We didn’t!” And then I remember that I shouldn’t talk so loud. “We weren’t even under clothes,” I whisper. “Not much.”
    She sighs. “I actually can’t imagine what that’s like because the thought of a guy touching my waist under my shirt is terrifying. What if I don’t feel right or feel fat, and I can’t … just … No.”
    â€œI can … now.”
    â€œClara.” She giggles. “And here I thought I’d for sure be the first one to go all the way, and now it looks like it’ll be you.”
    â€œNo.” I sigh. Because between what I believe I should and shouldn’t be doing and the practicalities, I can’t imagine actually going all the way. And then I think about Elias’s fingers at the edge of my jeans and think maybe I can …
    â€œMaay-be,” she sings. “What do you think he wants tomorrow?”
    â€œI have no idea.” I tap my toes on the ceiling-wall again.
    â€œWell. I’m sure it’ll be late here. Again,” she adds for emphasis because it’s like 1:00 a.m. there. “But text me anyway, okay?”
    â€œWill do. Promise.”
    â€œOkay. I’m going back to sleep, and now you need to try to get your beauty sleep so you’re ready for whatever that man of yours has planned.”
    I swear I can feel her smirk over the phone in that hilarious, teasing way of hers.
    â€œNight, Cee.”

9
    Elias meets me onstage after school with that same odd smile as last night in the church parking lot.
    â€œSo, where are you taking me?” I ask as I step