right. Saving something so precious for the right girl seems only sensible. And when I do find her, when we’re married and one in the eyes of God, well, then it will all be worthwhile. It will be something incredibly special and powerful.’ The twins sat forward, their heads bobbing; every so often one of them would giggle. Lee could see that Mouse hadn’t shaved for a few days. A light dusting of blond hairs, not thick enough to be called stubble, fuzzed beneath his round cheeks.
‘Don’t you think that some of the people who need the Course most might be put off by all this?’ Philip asked, chewing the end of his pencil. ‘I mean, the Course is targeted at young people, and young people struggle with their sexuality, they struggle to keep their emotions in check. It just feels like it’s a very negative way of putting it. Very unforgiving when you compare it to the rest of the Course.’ Lee realised that Philip was looking at her.
‘The Course will welcome anyone,’ she said, quietly. ‘And particularly if they’re struggling with these kinds of issues. But David’s right: promiscuity leads to a very lonely existence.’
A silence descended. Philip continued to look at Lee. She stared at the ground and then desperately towards David in the doorway. The priest moved forward into the light and was about to address the room when Mouse, his cheeks very red, began to speak.
‘It’s like so much of modern life,’ he said. ‘Always looking for the next fix, constantly jumping from one cheap thrill to the next. A stable marriage between a man and a woman may seem unglamorous, but it’s the key to a happy life. It’s why the Course insists upon this above all else. It’s for our own good.’ Mouse was standing now, pacing within the circle of chairs, one tightly balled fist smacking into the other palm. Lee thought he looked unhinged, but then she saw the twins leaning forward and blinking their long-lashed eyes and she realised that Mouse was just copying David. Even his voice was growing to sound like David’s. A voice that had been so different when Lee first discovered him, tubby and awkward, hiding in his tiny room high above the college quadrangle.
Lee talked very little during the discussion; her eyes were blank and distant. Philip smiled at her, nodded when she did speak, tried to make his own comments enthusiastic and endearing. When the session was finished, he stood at the door, looking over at Lee as she gathered up her Bible and her papers. Mouse had already left for the pub with the twins and Maki. Lee pretended to read a passage in The Way of the Pilgrim , hoping that Philip would go on without her. David coughed quietly in the shadows behind Philip.
‘Hi, Philip, would you mind if I had a quick word with Lee? Just some administrative stuff we need to go through.’
Lee looked up, smiling coolly.
‘Oh, Philip, were you waiting for me? I’m so sorry. I’ll catch you up.’
Philip nodded and waved, backing out of the room. David stepped in and sat on the chair beside Lee. Lee was still tracing her finger across the lines of the green book, not seeing the words, a feeling of dread building in her stomach.
‘I wanted to speak to you after the discussion tonight. I saw the way Philip was looking at you.’ David’s voice was very gentle. ‘I don’t want you to think I’m prying, or judging you. But you’re a Course leader now, and that carries with it certain responsibilities. I don’t want to lose you, or him.’
Lee closed the book and folded her hands on top of it, staring down at her nails. She felt blood rising to her cheeks.
‘When Sally and I were first together,’ David continued, ‘it wasn’t the done thing to be exclusive in relationships. It was our first year at Durham, and it was that part of the seventies that still wanted very much to be the sixties. So whilst it was very clear to me from the start that Sally was the one I wanted to be with, we slept around.