Free Fan Girl by Marla Miniano Page A

teeth. “Someone else did, and I’d really appreciate it if
you would get off my case about it. Right now I just need to figure out how the
hell I’m going to put this album together.”
    “I
can help,” she blurts out, sidestepping the anger in his voice. “Not with the
negotiating, obviously,” she rushes to add. “But I can listen. I can listen to
you rant. You can even show me what you’ve written, and I can give you
feedback, as a fan. It may not solve all your problems, but at least you’ll
have a…” She cringes. “Friend.”
    He
looks at her skeptically.
    “We
can sit down and work on your songs every week,” she suggests. “Every Sunday,
if you want.”
    He
says, “The label gave me exactly one month ‘to get my shit together.’ Are you
sure you can handle four weeks of this?”
    “Yes,”
she says. “Positive.”
    They
finish their coffee and pie and go, walking aimlessly, the sun on their faces
and the wind in their hair. If someone had told her a month ago that she will
soon be in LA with Scott Carlton,
she wouldn’t have believed it. It seemed impossible at that time, and she had
already resigned herself to never being able to speak to him again. She had
already resigned herself to downplaying her feelings forever, acting like she
is just a fangirl and nothing else. Scott smiles at her. “So what did you want
to talk about?”
    Summer
can think of dozens of responses: I want to talk
about us . Or I want to talk
about Roxanne, and to make sure that she is out of your life for good. Or I
want to talk about everything that happened before—every single hurtful
thing I let slide back then because I didn’t want to lose you. Or I
want to talk about why you left Manila, why you left me . Or I
want to talk about the real reason I’m here now. But
thinking about all these possible responses deflates her spirit and makes her feel
like fleeing this café and this city and this country, and she doesn’t want
that.
    “Nothing,”
she tells him. “Just that it’s really nice to see you again.”
    “It’s
really nice to see you too,” he says, finally looking her straight in the eye.
“I missed you,” he adds, and nothing else matters anymore.
     
     

Chapter
13

 
     
    If there’s one thing Scott is
consistent at, it’s this: he always makes Summer feel like she is auditioning
for some sort of role. In college, the role was Casual Pseudo Girlfriend, and
she played that part the best way she could—she demanded nothing and made
excuses for everything. When he left, she was the Fangirl Stalker, looking up
to him and admiring him from afar and hunting for bits and pieces of
information on him just so she can still feel like he is a part of her life
somehow. And now that she is here, the role is Helpful, Supportive Friend and
she finds that this is the most difficult to portray; she has to drain herself
of all hidden agenda and all her other emotions so she can focus on being there
for him. She has to push all her uncertainty and resentment and eagerness and
infatuation out of the way; she has to pretend that she is completely okay with
friendship and nothing more. She is learning
all over again, in harder and more pronounced doses, just how little a girl
like her is allowed to expect from a guy like him.
    Entertainment
writers and reporters are always asking celebrities if they would ever date a
fan. The celebrities are always ready with some clichéd, cardboard answer,
like, “It doesn’t matter whether she’s a fan or not, as long as she supports me
and believes in me,” or “Of course I would. My fans are awesome; any guy would
be lucky to be with them,” or “We’ll see. Never say never.” But maybe at least
one entertainment writer or reporter should do the opposite: ask a fan if she
would ever date a celebrity. Maybe someone should ask, “Are you willing to have
your world turned inside out?” or “Are you ready to pull him down from that
pedestal and start seeing him as