Free Z-Minus (Book 4) by Perrin Briar Page A

clearing. He bent down and gathered up some rocks, forming a small pile. He reached into his pocket and took out a medal. He placed it on top of the pile. He got on his hands and knees and spoke under his breath, bowing his head in prayer.
    “What’s he doing?” John said.
    “It’s a cairn,” Mark said.
    “A what?” John said.
    “A grave,” Mark said.
    “Ours, probably,” John mumbled. “Now he’s praying over it. Am I the only one spooked out by this?”
    “A man’s belief is a man’s belief,” Mark said.
    They ate cold dry rations from their packs. Every bite reminded Mark of Tabitha, not because she was tasteless or dry, but because she was the exact opposite. She was full of life and vigor. The world was dull and bland in comparison.
    Mark stared into the darkness and thought of Tabitha and the baby growing in her belly. He felt an emptiness, what his life would be like without her in it. A new life was meant to be something to rejoice, wasn’t it? But he didn’t feel that at all. He only felt empty, like a part of him had been taken. It was his youth, he realized, and there was no way he was going to get it back.
    “I wish Roach were here,” John said.
    Mark startled. He’d been deep in his own thoughts. John took a seat beside him and grunted as if it took a great deal of effort.
    “I bet he wishes he was here too,” Mark said.
    “I’ve been thinking about it, his death,” John said. “Do you think it was all part of some kind of conspiracy? It’s hard to imagine he would die like that.”
    “The world is a battlefield,” Mark said. “You never know when you’re going to bite it.”
    “So make the most of life while you can,” John said. “That’s what they say, isn’t it?”
    “That’s about it,” Mark said.
    “Then what are we doing out here?” John said. “What good are we doing sitting in the middle of the forest in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the day?”
    “You’ve got me there,” Mark said. “But maybe we’re part of a larger pattern, a small part of something that will help the largest number of people.”
    “Sounds a bit too optimistic for my taste,” John said.
    Mark smiled, but it was distracted.
    “What’s eating you?” John said.
    “Who said anything was?” Mark said.
    “Something’s on your mind,” John said. “I might be stupid, but I’m not dumb.”
    Mark opened his mouth, and then hesitated. He’d trusted his life to his friends more times than he could count, but rarely his secrets. Did he want to divulge them now?
    “Tabitha’s pregnant,” Mark said.
    John nodded, pursed his lips, and then looked toward the forest.
    “Aye,” he said. “That’ll about do it. There’s nothing like having children. It’s the greatest and worst thing I’ve ever experienced. To feel them in your arms, to care for them and bring them up… It’s the greatest feeling in the world. Outside the bedroom, anyway. But then to lose them… It’s the greatest pain you can ever feel. Especially when they don’t know who you are anymore, because you’ve been away for so long. Babies remember those things. It takes a lot for them to forget. But at a certain point it happens, and you can never get their trust back again.”
    Mark couldn’t look at his friend. He was aware of John’s difficulties but he’d never been so open about it before.
    “But what does a soldier do instead?” Mark said. “What can a soldier do?”
    The thought of not being in the Force anymore left a sour taste in Mark’s mouth. He thought of the world, of home, of the drudgery he imagined existed in a regular job.
    “You give yourself orders, I suppose,” John said. “I’m not the right person to talk to about this stuff. That’s something I’ve never been very good at. But you, you’re used to handing them out. You just have to get used to listening to yourself.”
    “I could get a normal job,” Mark said. “Maybe something like security, where I could use the