Free The Push: A Sequel to The Pull by Sara V. Zook Page B

breaths coming in quick and shallow. I closed my eyes for a few moments and tried to regain control over my body. I turned on some cold water and let my hands slide through it for a few moments, relishing in the chill. Then I leaned over and splashed some on my face. You’re here among loved ones, Darin’s loved ones. You should feel secure here. You’re not alone in your pain.
    There was a light rap on the door.
    “Livvy, dear?”
    Evelyn.
    “I’ll be right out!” I yelled. I didn’t know what my problem was. Since when did I not embrace the company of others? I loved chatting and catching up. I dabbed my face with a towel. Since your husband died, that’s when.
    “We’ll be waiting for you,” she said.
    I didn’t answer. I took a long, deep breath and continued to exhale until all the air was out of my lungs. I felt like a sinking ship here, but I had to go out there and share in their pain like a good daughter-in-law would. This was what people did. They gathered together in times of crisis, and they heard each other’s cries. Then they helped each other get through. If only they didn’t look at me as if I were a ticking time bomb.
    I opened the door and went out. Everyone was already seated around the table. I greeted their stares with a quick smile and took a seat next to Henry. We held hands as grace was said, then bowls were passed around. I still didn’t have much of an appetite, but I knew I’d be scrutinized if they didn’t see heaping piles of food on my plate, so I’d entertain them—for now.
    “I spent the afternoon jotting down some ideas,” Evelyn began in between chewing bites of food.
    I raised my eyebrows in question. Everyone did.
    Evelyn put her fork down and her napkin to her lips. “You know, for Darin’s obituary.”
    “Oh,” I mumbled, putting my head back down and staring into the pile of potatoes I kept pushing around with my spoon.
    “I want it to be really nice and make sure it emphasizes all the good characteristics that he had,” she went on.
    Great. More details about Darin’s death. I had spent the morning talking to an undertaker and now when I thought I’d have a moment’s peace…more details had to be worked out. I knew it had to be done, but couldn’t I have just a few hours without thinking about anything at all? Was that too much to ask for?
    “What do you have so far?” Henry asked, helping himself to some more iced tea.
    I glanced up to see Evelyn’s face light up at Henry’s interest in what she had to say. “Do you want to hear it? I have it right over there.” She stood up and walked over to a wooden shelf nearby. She retrieved a wrinkled piece of paper. Then smoothing it over with her hand, she sat back down and dug her glasses out of the front pocket of her dress. “Well, it doesn’t say much of anything yet to be honest. It’s just a list of family, those that preceded him in death, those that are still living.” Evelyn made eye contact with me. “Of course it has his unborn son on it. I knew you’d want that included of course, Livvy.”
    I nodded and put my head back down. The baby kicked me as if right on cue. He was clueless as to what was happening out here on the surface. He was tucked away warm and safe from the obstacles the world had given his parents, not knowing his poor daddy was now gone, that he’d only know him from photographs and stories others told him. My despair amplified.
    “Then I just made a list, you know, of how intelligent Darin was, the first in our family to finish college. And he got there on a scholarship. He was always so smart, wasn’t he, Henry?”
    Henry made a grunting noise. I supposed that meant he was in agreement.
    Evelyn put the paper closer to her nose to read it better. “Hardworking. That boy never stopped working, always providing for this family. He had such a lovely home, always took care of the things he owned.”
    I managed to swallow a bite of beef, though it seemed to be sticking to