Free No Holds Barred by Paris Brandon Page B

Ella asked because asking what was getting her nowhere fast and as much as she loved her sister she just wanted to collapse.
    “That’s just it, there is no who . I’m thirty-seven years old and there’s no one. I thought by now they’d stop looking at my chest when they told me I was beautiful, I thought by now I’d stop being a trophy for their arm.” She scooped another spoonful and plopped it into her mouth.
    “I’m going to become celibate,” she burbled.
    Ella raised a tired brow. “And this will help?”
    Francesca raised her dripping spoon but at least had the grace to keep it over the carton and said, “The next man I sleep with will be the one who tells me I’m beautiful while he’s looking me in the eye. He’ll call me at one o’clock in the morning to tell me he loves me…” She stopped her rant and blinked.
    “Oh hell, you’ve got messages. Some guy sounds pretty worried because he can’t get hold of you. He says you left your cell phone on his charger and you owe him two more days,” she said, glancing from Ella’s knapsack to her face before her eyes narrowed. “You ran again, didn’t you?”
    “Leave it alone, Frannie ,” she warned. “You want to cry about the shits you’ve been dating fine, we’ll have a round of ‘Let’s Eviscerate the Assholes’ and eat all the ice cream in the freezer but I’m not talking about this.”
    “Too late,” she said smugly, her eyes narrowing. “I’ve listened to the messages. What happened, Ella? Didn’t he pass the hair dye litmus test? He sounded like he cared if you got home in one piece. You scared this one, Ella.”
    This time when the panic hit she knew why. Jake had been proving he loved her for a year and she’d let one moment of panic throw her back into the same old familiar pattern of hit and run.
    She was almost numb when Francesca kissed her on the cheek and placed a fresh carton of Green Tea ice cream and a spoon in her hand.
    “I don’t want to be here if you screw this up. I’d be tempted to commit murder and I’m the only lawyer I know who could possibly get me off so it’s out of the question.”
    Ella heard the door close and she still couldn’t move until the condensation from the carton made an audible plop on her shoe. She put the carton back into the freezer and when she turned around she saw her reflection in the window, the harsh overhead light stark in its assessment. Jake’s words came back to her. “I’ve never understood wanting to change something that was perfect already.” She’d entrusted him with so many secrets why couldn’t she trust his judgment? How many kinds of a fool could one person be?
    Panic was what she did. Running was a comfort she sought whenever it happened. She’d been brave enough to let him see the real Ella but she hadn’t been brave enough to really see Jake. Love was about two people, not just one. This week had been about two people and she’d fallen into the old habit of only considering herself, running before she could be hurt.
    There were those who would always argue that sex was nothing more than an itch to be scratched. She knew because she’d been one of them. With Jake it became the deepest connection two people could achieve, a safe place where brutal honesty could leave your soul naked and free.
    Through his eyes she’d seen the woman she used to be and a glimpse of the woman she was capable of becoming. She’d missed trusting so much she wasn’t afraid to give, experiencing everything fully, not just the bits and pieces she’d allowed herself over the years. Happy Birthday Ella. He’d given her a gift she hadn’t been expecting.
    There were three messages on her answering machine from Jake and two emails on her computer. She printed out the emails and couldn’t bear to erase his messages, got the ice cream back out of the freezer and proceeded to have a pity party she knew she didn’t deserve.
    It was two in the morning when she dialed his number