Free Scars of the Future by Kay Gordon Page A

to them that I did not like directed at me.
    “What are you doing here, Amanda? Not to sound like a dick, but it was supposed to be just the four of us tonight.” His voice was unfriendly and cut deeper than it ever had before.
    “I told you… your mom…” I stammered, caught off guard by his gruffness, and shook my head quickly. “I was doing Maddie a favor. I didn’t even realize.”
    Matt let out a big sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. His face softened slightly with remorse and he looked more stressed than angry. “I’m sorry. It’s just…”
    “No, no. I get it.” I interrupted him and stood swiftly. “I’m gonna go.”
    “Manda…”
    I rushed out of the family room, pausing at the kitchen to look at Craig and Linda.
    “Hey, I’m sorry guys, but I forgot that I have somewhere I’m supposed to be tonight.”
    Linda turned and gave me an odd look as she studied my face and I knew she could tell I was lying. I didn’t give her a chance to protest though as I gave them both half-hugs and dashed out the door as hastily as I could.
    I’d made it to my car before the first tear fell and by the time I was I was buckling my seatbelt my vision was blurry. My relationship with Matt was so bumpy that I never had any idea of where we were. It went from friends, to kissing friends, to awkward friends, to friends, to friends in bed, to ignoring each other, to declaring a truce, and now we couldn’t even be around each other. How were we ever going to raise a baby together if he couldn’t even sit through dinner with me? The confidence I had in the two of us being able to do this seemed to dwindle every time we were together.
    I placed my hands on my stomach and let my head fall onto the steering wheel.
    “I’m so sorry, little one. I’ve made a mess of things.”

Chapter Seven
    I let out a frustrated sigh as I straightened myself up, wiping my mouth on the back of my hand. I flushed the toilet and moved to the sink where I rinsed my mouth and washed my hands.
    I gazed down at my stomach. “Okay. If I don’t eat, you don’t eat. Keep that in mind.”
    I stared at myself in the mirror and realized how tired I looked. My hazel eyes had prominent circles underneath them and my face looked pale. I was so sick of being sick but nothing helped. I’d tried every bit of advice mom had given me, but keeping meals down was a rare and surprising event these days.
    I turned sideways in the mirror, pulled my shirt up, and ran my hand over my stomach. The slight protrusion was getting more obvious, but loose shirts still hid it well. I smiled and pulled it back down.
    “We need to tell your daddy soon, little one. We just need to figure out how.”
    We’d hit twenty weeks and the pregnancy was now halfway done. I had no idea how I’d let it get so far without telling anyone, but I still harbored this big secret myself, having told no one but Mom. I had avoided Linda’s house as much as possible and managed to only see Matt two times since Kristen’s birthday. The first time was shortly after that day when he had brought her to dinner again. We hadn’t spoken two words to each other and I tried my hardest to keep from looking at the two of them.
    The second time was just a week ago, again at Linda’s, and he hadn’t brought Kristen that time. It was almost worse, though, to watch him with Claire. He adored that little girl and treated her like a princess. I had almost told him that night, but instead I fell asleep in the family room. When I had woken up, Matt was gone. Seeing him with Claire reaffirmed that no matter how much he disliked me, he would be there for his own child.
    Time was running out and everyone would be able to tell soon. I’d caught the stares they had given me, noticing something was off. If Maddie hadn’t been living with Josh and Sydney never at the apartment, I’m sure they would have figured it out by now. I stayed at my house most nights, but the occasional night I that I spent at