Free Vow to Protect by Ann Voss Peterson Page A

overwhelming.
    â€œWait, Mel. Please. I need to explain.”
    She held up a hand. “No, you don’t.”
    â€œI want you to understand why I had to break my promise. Why I went to head off Snake that night.”
    She shook her head. She’d avoided visiting him in jail for a reason. She hadn’t wanted to hear theexplanations. She hadn’t wanted to hear the excuses. Once he started talking, she hadn’t been sure she could have walked away. And she’d had to walk away. She’d had to escape from that life. She couldn’t let her feelings for Cord trap her in a lifetime of violence and desperation.
    The life her mother had lived.
    She turned back to face him. “I’m sure you had your reasons. But that doesn’t mean I have to stand here and listen to them. All the reasons in the world don’t change a damn thing.”
    â€œI know it doesn’t change anything. Believe me. I just—”
    â€œYou just what? Want to tell me what a good reason you had for killing Snake? I grew up in the same neighborhood, remember? I know what a scumbag Snake was. I know what he was capable of. I’m sure Detective McCaskey would have applauded you for what you did. Of course, he still would have thrown you in jail.”
    â€œSnake was making noises about Leon. He went at Leon with a knife. I had to stop him.”
    Of course he did. Cord had always been the leader of that rag-tag gang. They weren’t the Crips or the Bloods. They hadn’t killed people for points or run drugs. They’d been a mixed-race group of misfits that didn’t belong anywhere else. And Cord had taken care of them, protected them,bailed them out. “You should have let Leon take care of himself.”
    â€œLeon? You must be joking. He wouldn’t have lasted ten minutes, and you know it.”
    She held up her hands, as if she could block all of it with her palms and push it away. “Then Leon should have called the police.”
    â€œYou know that wasn’t an option. Not for Leon.”
    â€œOr for you.” She blew out a strong breath and shook her head. Suddenly her anger and frustration seemed to burn out, leaving nothing but drab gray ash. Cord still didn’t get it. Not after all the years in prison. “I don’t think you did what you did for Leon at all.”
    â€œWhat are you saying?”
    â€œI think you rushed in to save Leon for your own sake. Just the way you stood up for the rest of the gang. Because protecting them, leading them and being worshiped by them made you feel powerful.”
    Cord let out a bitter laugh.
    â€œWhat’s funny?”
    â€œNothing. I was thinking about Kane.”
    She wasn’t following. “Kane?”
    â€œHe told me almost the same thing.”
    â€œWhen?”
    â€œTonight. In the elevator before I got Ethan away from him.”
    She leaned toward him. “What did he say?”
    â€œThat I was like him. That killing made me feel powerful. Like a god.”
    A bitter taste filled her mouth. “Did it?”
    He shook his head. “Killing Snake felt like I was killing myself.”
    She let his words hang in the air, unsure what to say. His actions had killed her, shattered her heart, destroyed her dreams. Left her all alone to raise their son. But she’d survived. She’d risen from the ashes and brought Ethan with her. And she wasn’t going back to that place.
    Never again.
    â€œThe gang didn’t make me feel powerful, Mel. You did. The way you used to look at me. The way you believed in me.”
    Chills peppered her skin. She should probably feel more, but she didn’t know what. Not devotion. Not love, after all that had happened. Certainly not trust. She had gone through so much ten years ago. She’d loved Cord more than she’d thought it was possible to love anyone. She’d believed in him utterly. And he’d thrown it all away. “Then why, Cord?