Free Friday Barnes 3 by R. A. Spratt Page A

They’re real diamonds.’
    â€˜He put millions of dollars’ worth of diamonds around his dog’s neck?’ said Uncle Bernie.
    â€˜It’s brilliant,’ said Friday. ‘No-one would think of looking there. If they went anywhere near Rocky, he would savagely attack them. He is his own built-in security system. And if Mr Wainscott ever escaped or was released from jail, he could come by and pick up his diamonds without even ringing the doorbell.’
    â€˜That’s just a theory,’ said Ian sceptically. ‘You won’t know for sure until you have the collar in your hand, and how are you going to do that, clever clogs?’
    â€˜I’ve never understood the origins of that expression,’ said Friday. ‘Perhaps it’s Dutch. Clogs are usually associated with Holland. But how would calling someone intelligent, hand-carved wooden shoes be an insult?’
    â€˜You’re getting off the point, Friday,’ said Uncle Bernie.
    â€˜It is a bit odd that your father would strap something so valuable to something so demented, stupid and bloodthirsty,’ said Melanie.
    â€˜Rocky is brilliantly trained,’ said Ian. ‘Dad knows all about training animals from his time at Circus Skills University. But so that nobody else could order Rocky about, he trained him in Latvian.’
    â€˜Why Latvian?’ asked Friday.
    â€˜His childhood nanny was Latvian,’ said Ian. ‘Dad’s fluent in it.’
    â€˜You speak lots of languages, Friday,’ said Melanie. ‘Is Latvian one of them?’
    â€˜No,’ said Friday. ‘I speak Russian. Surely it can’t be too dissimilar.’
    â€˜The gas-meter reader spoke Russian,’ said Ian. ‘He needed seventy-three stiches in his left calf. And he didn’t get to read the meter.’
    â€˜Who do we know who might speak Latvian?’ asked Friday.
    â€˜Well, actually,’ said Uncle Bernie, ‘I do.’
    â€˜Uncle Bernie!’ exclaimed Friday. ‘You have a hidden depth.’
    â€˜I was briefly a professional hockey player in the Latvian League,’ said Uncle Bernie.
    â€˜I didn’t know that!’ said Friday.
    â€˜You know how it upsets your mum and dad to hear talk about sport,’ said Uncle Bernie. ‘I played for the Riga Raiders for half a season.’
    â€˜What happened?’ asked Friday.
    â€˜I got thrown out of the league for fighting on the ice,’ said Uncle Bernie.
    â€˜But I thought that’s what hockey players do?’ said Friday.
    â€˜Yeah, but I accidentally hit the lady who sang the national anthem,’ said Uncle Bernie.
    â€˜While she was singing the national anthem?’ asked Melanie.
    â€˜No, she burst onto the ice with a bunch of spectators to try to punch our goalkeeper,’ said Uncle Bernie. ‘He’d just let in an own goal and they were feeling emotional. Fists started flying and my fist just happened to connect with her nose.’
    â€˜Oh dear,’ said Friday.
    â€˜It was a mess,’ said Uncle Bernie. ‘They say her high notes never sounded the same again.’
    â€˜Fascinating story,’ said Ian, ‘but, in summary, do you know the Latvian words for “sit”, “stay” and “stop biting my arm”?’
    â€˜I think so,’ said Uncle Bernie. ‘It has been a couple of decades since I’ve last tried my Latvian out. You don’t often bump into Latvians. Especially not Latvians who don’t speak better English than I speak Latvian.’
    â€˜So long as your pronunciation is better than Rocky’s, I’m sure you’ll be all right,’ said Friday.

    Two minutes later Uncle Bernie edged out the front door. As a precautionary measure, Ian had helped him gaffer-tape sofa cushions to his arms and legs.
    As soon as Rocky sensed movement he spun around and ran full speed at Uncle Bernie.
    â€˜What do I say?!’