Free Mara by Lisette van de Heg Page B

could I shake the hand of this man, a servant of God? I kept staring, still not knowing what to do, until he lowered his hand and smiled at me.
    At that moment Auntie broke the silence.
    ‘Shall we sit down to eat?’
    I was grateful for her rescue and I quickly took the chair nearest to me and sat down. I straightened my back, drew my chair close up to the table, so my stomach was hidden by the tablecloth. The way Reverend Bosch sat down told me that he was used to coming here and sit at the head of the table, on Grandpa’s seat. What was he doing here?
    Auntie allowed the Reverend to cut the meat and divide the pieces. I held out my plate and let him serve me. I was being served by this preacher, but I couldn’t utter any words to thank him. All I could think of was how he would judge me.
    Why did Auntie invite him? Did she want to humiliate me?
    While the two of them said grace I could observe him without reserve. I searched his face for the hardness that was so familiar to me on the face of the other preacher, the condemnation that was so obvious in every line of his face, but I found nothing. Before he opened his eyes, I looked away and stared at my hands, which had become clenched fists in my lap.
    Auntie and her guest picked up their utensils, so I did the same. With my head bent over my plate I started to eat slowly. I imagined that with every bite I took my stomach would expand so that in a few moments I would have to push back the chair and reveal my shame. The food was quite distasteful to me.
    In silence I listened to the conversation between Auntie and her preacher. Every now and then a bit of laughter from one or the other would interrupt the dialogue. I squinted as I thought back to that other preacher. Did I ever hear him laugh or tell a joke? Had he been like that when he was courting Mother?
    When Reverend Bosch started to talk about Dirk Jacobsen I suddenly paid attention to what was said. I remembered that name from when I was young. Dirk had been a big boy, always a ringleader at school and he could never sit still in church.
    ‘Last Summer I paid him a visit. He had been bedridden by then for weeks already and he complained about the lack of view.’
    Auntie nodded, she clearly knew exactly what Reverend Bosch was talking about.
    ‘After that visit I found two men and two ladders, and the three of us chopped a large hole at the spot where the linden trees met.’
    ‘Ah.’ Auntie nodded and clucked with her tongue, her eyes sparkled.
    ‘At my next visit Dirk’s mood had improved already. The gap between the trees allowed him a good view onto the street, so he could see folk passing by and he’d often wave to friends. But there was still one thing troubling him.’
    Auntie leaned forward and I noticed that even I was curious to hear. I quickly straightened my back again and took another bite. No need for them to think that I was listening to their conversation.
    ‘He hadn’t seen his girl for a while and he was worried that she didn’t want him anymore, on account of his crippled leg. How to solve that problem, he asked me.’
    Reverend Bosch paused and took a bite.
    ‘I nodded at Dirk and wrapped up my visit with him, but that very same evening I climbed the ladder again and changed the gap in the trees into the shape of a heart.’ Reverend Bosch paused again. ‘This was all half a year ago and yesterday I received word that Dirk and his girl are getting married as soon as his leg is fully healed.’
    Auntie nodded, smiled and looked at me for a moment.
    ‘I always wondered who it was that did that,’ she said and winked at me, as if to say, ‘Isn’t he a nice preacher?’ I ignored her cheerfulness. Who is to say that he really is what he seems to be? The Reverend also seems to be an exceptionally educated man, kind and courteous, until he steps into my room and closes the door behind him. I can’t trust him, Auntie. I can’t trust anyone.
    ‘Dirk must be a contented man,’ I said.