Free Diary of a Provincial Lesbian by V. G. Lee Page B

absorbed in scattering minute antirrhinum seeds over moist compost.
    ‘My garden of course. The jewel in my crown. Been on my feet all morning organizing Janice.’
    ‘Janice?’
    ‘The gardener. Can’t make up my mind whether I like her or not. She asked me not to call her ‘pet’. Didn’t ask pleasantly mind you, asked with attitude. Sullen. Yes, sullen sums her up. Garden looks fantastic though. Fan-bloody-tastic! I just wish I had the time to enjoy it but I’m up in London early evening. That’s why I’m dressed like this.’
    ‘Oh.’ Study Deirdre’s outfit. She’s wearing a grey pashmina over a green tweed trouser suit, a purple velour hat, the brim pinned to the crown by a splendid dirk brooch of silver and amethyst.
    ‘I think I look very Liberty's crossed with Harvey Nichols? What do you think?’
    ‘You look splendid and very rich.’
    She beamed and rubbed her hands together, ‘Good. Rich, that’s how I want to look - I’m doing dinner with a connection who’s gi-normous in food labelling. Are you going to make that tea or am I going to die of thirst?’
    Put kettle on. Rummage for Deirdre’s Earl Grey tea, my peppermint tea.
    ‘No milk,’ she shouts, ‘I’m avoiding dairy. Got cake?’
    ‘Can you eat cake on Atkins?’
    ‘I’m off Atkins for the day; I’ll do double Atkins tomorrow.’
    We drink tea. Deirdre scrutinizes my seed trays and says, ‘Is all this fuss really necessary?’ She waves her hand at the trays, plastic pots, small sack of peat free compost, packets of seeds, roll of kitchen foil, milk bottle full of water and atomizer. ‘Surely it’s easier to buy full grown? You can’t turn round for trays of annuals in every single shop. Even the pub on the corner’s got a plant stand outside.’
    ‘I like growing from seed.’
    ‘Well if you’ve got time on your hands...’
    I change the subject, bringing it back to her, ‘So, the Atkins Diet is a movable feast at the moment?’
    ‘Sort of. I absolutely agree with Martin that Atkins is a diet for life only neither of us can resist white bread and chips. So weekdays (apart from today) it’s Atkins, weekends its Atkins plus bread and chips.’
    ‘Have you lost any weight?’
    ‘Gained two pounds,’ she mumbles.
    ‘How many?’
    ‘Gained four pounds - but can lose that almost over night if I’m really stringent. Extraordinary but I feel that I know Atkins very well. Almost as if he’s the butler, no as if he’s our dietician and close personal friend.’
    ‘Like Dyson?’
    ‘Exactly.’
    ‘Any particular reason for today’s visit?’ I cut open my packet of cornflower seeds.
    ‘Yes. I’m having a grand open garden soirée next Sunday, weather permitting. One till three. Janice will be there so it’s not like you’ll be on your own as far as the ‘L’ word goes.’
    ‘What makes you think she’s a lesbian?’
    Deirdre flinches. She does not like to call a spade a spade or even a lesbian a lesbian.
    ‘I heard her talking to the two women who helped her. And there was horsing around and bodily contact. Straight women don’t behave like that with each other. So you’ll come?’
    ‘Sounds good,’ I say, heart sinking.
     
     
    March 29 th
    Miriam subdued. Feel I should offer to visit her and her mother again but think at the moment I would rather walk under a bus. Compromise with myself by asking how her love life is, any news from the Hospice Shop?
    She shakes her head sadly, ‘Not a sniff. Not a dicky bird. All the young lesbians have gone to ground including my lone admirer. We do get a few in around my age but I find women my age so depressing. They ask for things like well worn in, wide fitting shoes to accommodate their bunions. How gross is that?’
    I agree that is pretty gross but say, ‘Surely some of them are presentable. After all you did say you’d settle for ordinary?’
    Scathingly as if I am an infant, she says, ‘Margaret, there’s ordinary and ordinary. I’m desperate but not