Free Anticipation by Sarah Mayberry Page B

remember the blind panic of it. How impossible it had seemed that she’d ever find her parents again.
    “That’s one of my strongest memories,” Lena said, glancing up at Blue. “Being lost.”
    Blue drew her good leg toward her chest and rested her chin on her knee, never taking her gaze from her friend’s face.
    “If you want to talk about whatever it is…”
    Lena shook her head and turned toward the window again. “It won’t help.”
    “It might.”
    Lena remained silent, resting her forehead against the glass, her gaze on the ocean.
    Blue thought about the way her friend had been checking her phone regularly and made an educated guess.
    “Let me get you started. You met a man,” she said.
    Lena’s head whipped around. “How do you know that?”
    “Lucky guess. Want to tell me about him?”
    Lena’s gaze was haunted as she stared at Blue. “I don’t want to talk about him. I don’t want to think about him. I don’t want him in my head…”
    Blue sat up a little straighter, disturbed by her friend’s patent distress.
    “Did he hurt you?” she asked carefully. Was that what this was about? Was Lena running away from some dominating, violent asshole?
    Lena’s smile was rueful. “No. The opposite.”
    Now Blue was really confused. “What, he made you feel good? And you don’t want that?”
    “Not when it takes over. Not when it’s the only thing you can think about. Not when it consumes you.” Lena wrapped her arms around herself, hands gripping her elbows tightly.
    Dressed in leggings and an oversize mohair sweater, she looked about sixteen — if you discounted the tattoos and the wholly adult lushness of her figure.
    “Is it the same for him?”
    “I don’t know.”
    “Are you afraid to ask?”
    “I’m afraid to be in the same room with him.”
    “So don’t be.”
    Lena laughed, the sound about as far from amused as it was possible to get. “Yep. It’s that easy. I’ve been fighting this for a long time, Blue. More than six months.”
    “If this has been dogging you that long, maybe it’s time to stare it in the eye and deal with it. Grab the tiger by the tail, and hold on tight for the ride of your life,” Blue suggested.
    “I’m not as brave as you, Blue. And I’m nowhere near as tough.”
    Blue thought of the way she’d retreated from Eddie barely a week ago. “I’m not brave. I’m a pragmatist. If you can’t go around it, go under it. If you can’t go under it, go over it. And if that option is out, go through it. The only thing you can’t do is go backward or stand still. Life doesn’t work like that.”
    Lena dropped her head forward, her hair flowing down to hide her expression. She seemed so scared and alone, Blue couldn’t bear it. Pushing herself to her feet, she hopped the two steps required to enable her to wrap Lena in her arms.
    “You could always run away and join the circus,” she said.
    Lena laughed, the sound of it vibrating through her slim body and into Blue’s.
    “I already did that, remember?”
    “Yeah, I guess you did.” Lena had left everything she knew and flown to America when she broke up with Rafel.
    Lena squeezed her tightly before letting go and taking a step back. “You are so sneaky. I can’t get you to say a word about what went down with Eddie, but you just made me spill my guts.”
    “Nothing went down with Eddie,” Blue said automatically.
    “Yeah? Then why are you two sending photographs to each other instead of talking like normal human beings?”
    “Because we’re not normal?”
    “Did he hurt you?”
    Blue wasn’t expecting to have the tables turned on her, and she answered before she could edit herself. “Not intentionally.”
    Lena’s expression was grave. “Sometimes intentions don’t matter. You should tell him, give him a chance to make amends.”
    “No.” There was nothing to be gained from that particular discussion.
    “Why not?”
    “Because it’s not something I want to talk about. With