Free Heart Of The Sun by Victoria Zagar Page B

shameful act, well, it’s par for the course for male kast’ka on our world.”
    Vash gives him a questioning look. “Par for the...?”
    “It’s normal,” Alan says. “It’s what we do.”
    “Oh.” Vash looks so young as he stands there looking embarrassed.
    “You mean to say you’ve never done it?” Alan scratches his head. “How old are you, anyway? I need to know I’m not robbing the Karalian cradle here.”
    “I’m eighteen Karalian years old. Which is a hundred of your Earth years.”
    “Oh, man. I’m only thirty-four Earth years old. Way to make me feel young. I know you guys are long-lived and all, but wow. A hundred years and you’ve never...?”
    “We only reach adulthood on our seventeenth Karalian year. That is why I did not know about my kast’ka status before.”
    “Oh. I understand. Now I feel old.” Alan sits on the side of the bed, naked. Vash sits beside Alan and leans in, slowly kissing down his chest. Alan starts to grow hard again, growing as Vash gently strokes him. “So you don’t mind doing something that’s taboo in your culture?”
    “Everything we’ve done so far has been,” Vash says. “There’s a piece of me that wants it so badly it hurts. And another piece of me that knows once I’ve had what I want, I will never be able to go back to Karalia.”
    “Isn’t that already impossible?” Alan asks. “They’re trying to kill you.”
    “They think I cannot be fixed. If I go to them and say I have been misled, they will take me back. They will watch me for the rest of my life and I would have to keep my desires to myself, but they would not kill me so long as I did not break their laws.”
    “Don’t ever go back,” Alan whispers. “There’s nothing worse than hiding who you are and what you need.”
    “What if the thing I need is home?” Vash asks, looking away. “What if it turns out I need that more than I need... this?”
    I can’t answer that question for you, Vash,” Alan says. “That’s something you need to find out for yourself. In the meantime, you should do everything you want to do. You can’t make decisions without experience.” He looks a world away from the man who stood outside my escape pod. Have I made him this small and vulnerable? Or does he just feel comfortable enough with me to show me his other side? His erection wilted away. There’ll be other times for that. Right now Vash needs my love and support. He’s about to defect from everything he’s ever known into a world that may not be any kinder than his own.
    “I guess I can only hope these things work themselves out with time,” Vash says. “I am sorry I am filled with uncertainty. It is a great time of change for me. Many among the kast’ka dream of becoming Exiles, but few ever make it to Earth. Those who do are excommunicated on our planet, their records wiped from existence. It will be as if I was never born. If I ever see any of my family again, they will not even acknowledge me.”
    “I’m sorry,” Alan says, his hands in his lap.
    “No. I made the choices that brought me here. I left Karalia before they could draft me to the war effort. I announced that I was a kast’ka at a prestigious family dinner.” He smiled at the memory. Even though it must be painful, he still smiles. “I suppose that even if I did return, my family would view me only with suspicion, no matter what I said. I burned all my bridges, and I don’t regret it. I only fear that I might regret the rash moves I made in my youth along the line.”
    I’ll die. The thought hit Alan like a thunderbolt. Karalians can live to be five hundred years old. That much I do know. I’m just a drop in the ocean of his life, no matter how much I mean to him. I’ll grow old, while he remains in his youth. It’s not only tomorrow and the day after he fears, but all the years that are to come. The thought sobered him and he reached for his clothes, dressing in his uniform and standing up. 
    “The shuttle