Free Becoming Sarah by Miranda Simon Page B

then die on her face, all in the space of a few seconds. She chewed at her bottom lip. "No. No, she could have told you that. Maria said you'd talk like this, that you'd know things."
    "She's wrong. It's really me. Listen. You always sang to me: too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, too-ra-loo-ra-li. . . ."
    My voice broke. Her expression was set now, her face turned away. "If you don't leave me be, the detective says I can get a restraining order,” she said.
    And that, as they say, was that.
     
    What could I do? I couldn’t hold her down and force her to believe me. I went home. I cried. I ate a pint of Ben & Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk. I lay on the bed and cried some more, until I fell asleep.
    I woke with a start, because I’d dreamed I couldn’t breat he. It was dark outside. Sarah’s iP hone was ringing. I shook my head to clear the cobwebs. The phone was in the pocket of my sweatshirt, hanging on a chair.
    I rummaged for it. “Hello?”
    “ Bonsoir , darling. It’s Aurelie. Liza and I are coming by to pick you up.”
    “Where are we going?’
    “You’ll see. Be ready.” She hung up.
    Why not go out? It would take my mind off my misery. I washed the tearstains from my face and put on some lipstick. I rummaged through the closet and chose a pair of red leather pants, tight as a second skin, and a halter top. Over that I threw on a long black coat. The items I'd tried on and discarded I left on the floor; the cleaning service would take care of the mess tomorrow.
    My friends arrived and swept me off to a trendy bar in the Mission District: loud, crowded, and just the distraction I needed. Men were all over me in an instant. I flirted like crazy. Why shouldn’t I? I was beautiful. They all wanted me. The attention made me feel great.
    “This is more like it,” Liza crowed, when I had a gaggle of guys in the bar practically panting for my attention. “You’ve been off your game lately, but this is the Sarah I know and love!”
    Aurelie leaned over to whisper into my ear. “Speaking of love. . .look what I have for you. A little present.” She opened her palm to show me a tiny blue pill. “Go ahead, take it.”
    I hesitated. “What is it?”
    “Something that will make you feel good. It will help you loosen up.”
    I’d never used drugs, though I’d had plenty of chances. In my old neighborhood there was a dealer on every corner. I’d promised my mom I wouldn’t, and besides, I was terrified to do anything that might screw up my chance to go to college. And I needed to go to college so I could make so much money I’d never have to worry again. But now – what did it matter? I’d already been to college, or at least Sarah had. It’s not like I’d be letting my mother down now. In her mind, I was dead.
    With that thought came a surge of bitterness. How could a mother not know her own child? If I’d been twelve feet tall and purple, she should have known me. If I’d been badly burned and totally disfigured, she wouldn’t have turned me away. So why had she failed me now?
    “If you don’t want it. . .” Aurelie said.
    “I do.” I took the pill, slipped it between my lips, and gulped my drink. Anything to soothe away the pain and anger burning in my heart tonight.
    “No more of this, then.” Aurelie grabbed my drink and ordered me a glass of ice water. “Just wait. You’ll love it.”

CHAPTER FIFTEEN
    But I didn’t feel anything, even after we moved on to another bar. I was almost disappointed, until I started twisting a lock of my hair around my finger and noticed how very, very soft it was. Had it always been so soft? And Liza and Aurelie looked gorgeous tonight. They were such good friends. I really, really loved them.
    I told them this. Aurelie laughed. “Nice, huh?”
    “Oh, is this the pill?” The lights were so pretty. I loved everyone in the bar, especially the surfer guy I’d just met, Andrew. He had brown hair bleached at the tips and the softest, sweetest brown eyes I’d