Free Lust by Francine Pascal Page A

that I was just acting like a normal kid, and that my mom knew I didn’t really think she was a giant mean poo-head.”
    Gaia gave a snorting laugh. “Well, you got your money’s worth out of that therapist.”
    â€œI know.” Jake laughed, too. “But I gave myself a really hard time, anyway. I think I replayed every brattymoment I ever had with her, after she was gone. I was sure that I had made her life absolute hell.”
    â€œHuh.”
    The cards became fascinating again. This time, Gaia started poking them into the space between the glass window and the wall so that they stood plastered against the scenery outside. Then she studied the king, queen, and jack of diamonds as they stood there, gazing calmly back at her like a little nuclear family.
    â€œYeah,” she said.
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œI can see how you’d do that.”
    Cha-chug. Cha-chug. Cha-chug.
    â€œDid you do that?” Jake hazarded.
    Gaia looked up at him, then snatched the cards out of the window and put them back into the deck.
    â€œForget I asked,” he said.
    â€œSorry.” Gaia gave an apologetic shrug. “It’s not something I ever talk about. But the last conversation we had was a fight.”
    â€œYou and your mom?”
    â€œYeah. I mean, I was twelve. Have you ever met a twelve-year-old? They’re horrible.”
    â€œI’m sure you weren’t—”
    â€œOh, please.”
    Jake laughed. “Well, I guess judging from the Gaia I know now, you might have been a tiny bit difficult.”
    â€œI was just annoyed all the time. Pissed off aroundthe clock. My body was doing all these wacky things, and my training was going horribly.”
    â€œI think that’s normal.”
    â€œYeah, maybe.”
    Gaia was silent as she remembered the rest of it. The whole idea of becoming a woman had freaked her out. She’d thought her boobs looked like fat blobs, and her center of gravity had been totally off. And her hips—she couldn’t shop in the boy’s department anymore. Her mom had seemed so comfortable in her skin, so beautiful and perfect; Gaia had seen herself as a ridiculous imitation. But she hadn’t been able to find the words to explain how she felt, so she’d just acted like a bratty bitch.
    The morning her mother died, Gaia had thrown a fit over something. God, she couldn’t remember what. Breakfast, maybe? She’d wanted coffee and her mom had insisted on something more substantial. That’s what moms do. And Gaia had acted like she was being asked to eat worms. She’d flown into a rage and left the house to go for a run. Loki had pulled the trigger just as Gaia had stepped back into the house. Her mom was dead before Gaia ever had a chance to apologize to her.
    Gaia had never told anyone about that fight with her mother. In fact, even when she thought back to that day, she rarely touched on that episode. She felt too ashamed. What had she been so angry about? Why hadn’t she—?
    â€œYou know, if you buy a pack of cards in Italy,there’s no queen,” Jake said, taking the pile of cards from the seat next to Gaia and handing it to her. She took it gratefully and started shuffling them back into random order.
    â€œNo kidding,” she said.
    â€œYeah, these are American cards. Or British.”
    â€œWhy would you know that?”
    Jake shrugged. “I have no idea. It’s just a random fact stuck in my head.”
    Gaia envied Jake’s state of mind. He seemed so relaxed and carefree. Why did she have to be so somber? Why was she forever wreathed in deep thought and regret? It wasn’t as if Jake hadn’t had tragedy in his life. And yet here he was, fully capable of levity. Why was she thinking of this now? Because she was missing her dad? Because she was bored and had too much time on her hands? Or was it because Jake made her feel comfortable enough for old feelings to bubble to the