Free Silent Star by Tracie Peterson Page A

bowl. “I suppose that’s one way of looking at it. It is a mystery as to why such things have to happen. I know my own heart nearly breaks when I think about all those young men dying for the cause of freedom.”
    “But don’t you think God rather heartless to allow all of those deaths?”
    Estella filled her own bowl, then looked up to meet Andy’s questioning gaze. “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Who am I to question God?”
    “What you really mean is who am I to question God. I know I haven’t been living the way you do—going to church and all. I know that’s the way my mama raised me to believe, but . . . well . . .”
    “But it hurts to believe,” Estella finished his unspoken thought.
    Andy lowered his gaze and nodded. “It hurts.”
    “Oh, Andy, believe me, I know exactly what you mean. When Howard died I thought I’d never feel right again. My days were so lonely and my nights unbearable. I wandered through this house looking for some way to make things right, but nothing helped. We could never have children, sohis presence didn’t even live on in his sons and daughters. All I had were my memories.”
    “That’s all I have—but they’re not enough.” Andy sank back against the chair. “Sometimes I can’t even remember the good times. I think about how hard the years were prior to the war, how hard my father worked. I think about the hopes they had for me. My pa wanted me to do better than he did—to have more.”
    “He wanted good things for you. Every parent wants good things for their child.”
    Andy shrugged. “But he’s gone and I don’t know what those good things were. I don’t know what it was he was working so hard to provide.”
    Estella smiled and thought of all she might have offered her own child. “He wanted to give you security . . . happiness . . . well-being. He wanted you to have a strong faith in the Lord, or so I would presume. Above all, he’d want you to love and to be loved. The Lord wants no less for you. After all, God is love.”
    “He doesn’t seem very loving. Look at what He’s done to His world.”
    “What He’s done?” Estella questioned. “Seems to me that man’s greed and lust for power started this war.”
    “But God is supposed to be all-powerful—all-knowing. Why not stop something like that before it got started? Why didn’t He stop the car accident that took my father and left me lame? Why didn’t he keep my mother from getting sick? Was it too hard for Him? Or did He just stop caring?”
    Estella wanted to weep for the boy. She felt his misery—heard his anguished questions. Oh, God, make him understand. Let him feel your love.
    “Andy, God loves you very much. He’s never stopped caring for you. I know it’s hard to believe that, but I have no doubts on this issue. The world may be at war, but it isn’t happening because God doesn’t care. God allows us certain choices, and those choices aren’t always made wisely. Warswill come and go. People will live and die. It doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love us. This season of the year is a good reminder of that love. Christmas is all about God’s love for mankind—for each person. And it’s about hope. You mustn’t lose hope, Andy.”
    “But I feel most alone at church. If God loves me so much, then why do I feel so rejected—so unloved? Especially there?”
    She studied the redheaded boy for a moment. He looked so forlorn, so young. Here he was a man in full, but his needs were as great as those of a lost child trying to find his way home.
    “Jesus felt rejected too. His best friends left Him when He needed them most,” Estella finally said. “He knows how it feels to be an outsider, to have everyone shut their door to Him—to turn away. The night He was betrayed and turned over to those who would kill Him, Jesus experienced exactly what you’re experiencing now.”
    She reached out and touched his arm. He met her gaze, his expression suggesting