Free Allegiance by Trevor Corbett Page B

him feel more his age than he looked. Yet his hair remained impossible to control, reminding him that there was still a wild man inside that wanted to burst out.
    ‘I’m more careful now, that’s all.’ Durant was glad to be home, it had been a stressful day. Now he wasn’t so sure home would be less stressful.
    ‘No, I mean you used to be so motivated and dedicated and so full of energy. This thing’s changed you. You’re still not yourself.’ Stephanie had her arms folded and Durant knew that meant a conversation. Not a chat. A conversation.
    ‘I’m fine. Really.’
    Stephanie shook her head. ‘You’re keeping things in. I know you.’
    Durant shook his head. ‘I’m good. Let’s have tea. I’ll make.’
    ‘Kevin, perhaps you need to go for counselling or something.’
    ‘Counselling?’ He flicked the kettle on, perhaps a little too hard.
    Stephanie noticed. ‘You’re on the edge. I’m afraid that one day you’re going to snap.’
    The cups clanked loudly as Durant took them out the cupboard. ‘I know I’m not myself. I’ve got bits missing inside, and other bits that still hurt when I walk, and I don’t like being in quiet streets at night any more.’
    Stephanie put her hand on Durant’s arm. ‘It’s okay to still feel like that. I don’t blame you. That’s why I’ve been thinking . . .’
    ‘Wait, don’t tell me, let me try to guess.’ Durant paced from one side of the kitchen to the other. The words came out sharply. ‘You want me to try for a medical boarding?’
    Stephanie sighed, trying to keep her voice calm. ‘Well, I never even thought of that, I was thinking more we should just get out of this whole mess, take Alexis and go to . . . New Zealand.’
    Durant frowned and then poured the hot water into the teapot. ‘I’m going to make it extra strong.’
    Stephanie slid a tray out and put it on the counter. ‘At least think about it, Kevin.’
    ‘Think about what?’
    Stephanie remained silent for a moment, then opened a kitchen drawer and slid a pamphlet across the countertop.
    ‘“Join your family and friends who are already in the land of peace and security – New Zealand – New Beginnings,”’ Durant read. ‘Come on, Stephanie. Are you serious?’
    ‘There’s a seminar on Thursday night in town. Let’s just go and listen.’ There was desperation in her voice.
    Durant sloshed the milk into the cups, clicking his tongue when it overshot the rims. ‘Well, obviously they’re going to convince us how bad South Africa is and how cool New Zealand is. It’s run by people who make money out of moving people there.’
    ‘I know I don’t talk about it, but I’m scared now. After what happened to you, I’m so scared of losing you.’ Her lip trembled, almost imperceptibly. She took a step towards him, looking for comfort. She put a spoon in the pot and stirred the tea while Durant thought of the right thing to say.
    ‘I hate being scared,’ she said, still stirring the pot.
    Durant smiled and put his hand on hers. ‘I think it’s stirred now. I’m really okay, Steph.’
    ‘But I’m not.’ The first tear fell and landed on the tray. ‘You nearly died, it was so close – and look at the damage it’s done.’
    Durant took the spoon from her and put it in a saucer. ‘We’ll both be fine eventually, love. Emigration’s a major move, I don’t know if I even want to leave this country.’
    Stephanie touched a tissue to her cheek. When she spoke, her voice was cold, agitated. ‘We don’t want to leave, I don’t want to leave either, nobody wants to leave, but I think sometimes we have to leave to retain our sanity. And for the sake of our child.’
    ‘Ja, well, don’t you think maybe we have to stay for the sake of our child and our sanity. What about your mom?’ Cunningly, Durant had introduced his wild card. He knew Stephanie and her mother were inseparable.
    ‘We’ll all have to make sacrifices, Kevin.’
    ‘Come on. She’s getting older.