Free All of These Things by Anna De Mattea Page B

but at the same time, everything is on fast-forward, and the sound of my heart pumps in my ears.
    “Caroline?” Sofie walks cautiously to me. Alec is on his feet, too, and I’m humiliated.
    “Caroline, I was just worried. It was stupid, okay. Yes, I’m a stupid, inconsiderate bitch, but I swear I was worried. I’m still worried. This break-in messed me up, too, so I was nervous about what it could do to you. That’s all. I wasn’t betraying you. I wasn’t! I just needed to be sure I could help you deal with it.”
    “That was a long time ago, Sofie. I was five! It’s an entirely different situation, and you should know me well enough to have some faith in my reactions. I’m not as weak as you think.”
    There’s pounding in my head. I can feel the veins and vessels constricting as blood drives through them. I can’t do this. I can’t argue now. Oh my head . I want to rip it off my shoulders. I press at each side of my temples and feel like there’s no stable ground under my feet.
    “Look at me, Caroline,” Alec says, coming into view. “You’re dizzy, love. I think you should sit down.”
    “No, it’s just this blasted headache. Don’t worry, Sofie,” I say, looking up at her intently. “I’m not going mute.”
    “Oh, shut up, Care! I’m not even thinking about that, now. Come over to the swing. Sit down, and I’ll bring you some water.”
    “No. I’m fine.”
    “Fuck, are you ever stubborn . I’m getting water,” she says, barging past me and into the house.
    “Caroline, is it possible you hit your head? You weren’t going down without a fight. I saw you, love. Maybe you were hurt in the process.”
    I know what he’s trying to do. Even if I am incapable of thinking, I can detect his purpose. Alec’s trying to convince me that I’m not weak and pathetic, and somehow this makes me feel even more vulnerable.
    He closes in, an arm around my waist, but I don’t need his support.
    “I said I’m fine, Alec. Really, I am.”
    Of course, my body decides to give up on me, and I’m about to plunge and crash to my knees if not for his swift, powerful arms.
    “Alright, sweetheart. Change of plans.”
    He swings me up from behind the knees, and I’m in his arms against his chest. My face is in the crook of his neck, and I’m not so jumbled that I can’t relish his scent once more.
    “You need to go to the hospital, Caroline.”
    “What happened?” I hear Sofie before I see her.
    “She almost fainted. Shall you drive or I? She needs a doctor.”
    “I’ll grab my purse and keys. Shit. Caroline will need her purse, too. I’ll meet you at the car.”
    Nathaniel’s Correspondence with Dr. Toussaint
    Tell me, Dr. Toussaint, if you think it was clear to me straight off the bat why Caroline’s biological father ran off? The coward recognized the danger-signs of being with someone like Amalia and couldn’t even do right by his unborn child. Well, better for me. Let’s just say there always was something atypical sneaking up to the surface, but at the same time, I was too captivated by Amalia to weigh the meaning of it all. I remember my business partner, Anthony Parrotta, asking me when it was that I became a sucker for a damsel in distress. He got on my last nerve many a time, and we even broke into a raw fight over Amalia. We pretend like it’s water under the bridge because, in the end, he was just concerned for me—as was my sister, Mara, and everyone else in my life who thought I was making a grave mistake. I was apprehensive about how it would all turn out but never ever had it crossed my mind to let her go. What sense would that make, anyway, if I was only going to miss and ache for that woman?
    I’m not an idiot. I knew there would be unique complications spoiling our union. But the fact is, I’d have both grieved and yearned for her if I’d let Amalia go, so in that way she remained in my life. What would it all be for? What would be the point of letting her go and going back