Free Easy Pickings by Richard S. Wheeler Page A

can survive on swamp gas.”
    He sighed. “It’s my duty to come abruptly to the point, for your gentle consideration. In a nutshell, I propose matrimony. It is the one sure defense against the unjust fate that is gathering on the horizon. Now, that is certainly a remarkable proposition, coming out of the blue, but bear with me. By acquiring a husband, especially one who will act as a knight, you will be assured of safety and security.”
    â€œAnd you’ll be assured of my mine.”
    â€œAh, of course you would suppose that. But marriage is share and share alike. Your good fortune is my good fortune, and vice versa. In exchange for my interest in the mine, you would be stoutly defended against predators circling you like rabid wolves.”
    She was, actually, enjoying this.
    â€œNow, about delicate things, madam. While you are the fairest flower of Edinburgh, and you make my heart and other organs quiver, I should be content with a marriage of convenience, at least until you discover in me the knightly qualities that might win your approbation.”
    â€œDo you like haggis?” she asked. “If not, your goose is cooked.”
    â€œI am not familiar with it, madam.”
    â€œThen your goose is cooked.”
    â€œNow, madam, there is more. If you should fail to welcome me to your bosom, there is always the possibility that my services might be employed by one or another of those who would like to find a shortcut to the McPhee gold. Now, I’m not saying I would succumb to such employment, but you see, the longer I wait, and the greater the distance between us, the larger the temptation.”
    â€œTo circle me like a rabid wolf.”
    â€œNot I, madam, but my clients, who might use my considerable skills to find the wedge that will split your defenses wide open. Worse, if you employ that shotgun in some way not countenanced by law and civility, and it results in injury, you might face a court verdict that is many times what the McPhee Mine is worth. So all this takes some consideration.”
    â€œHow many widows have you fleeced so far?” she asked.
    â€œThere is a dire shortage of widows in Montana Territory,” he said. “You are a great rarity. This is a land of single males, many from abroad, who will send for their wives or sweethearts in due course. You are the true gold mine. Mineral is abundant in the territory, but a good, seasoned, experienced widow is pure bullion.”
    â€œI can think of other things that I’m pure of,” she said.
    He sighed, gently. “Now of course I understand perfectly how you must feel about me, about my proposal. A perfect stranger comes up the mountain proposing holy matrimony, and with an eye on your gold mine. Now hear this. I affirm it. My virtue is that I’m transparent. My every design is clear. That means you know the man you’re dealing with, know what my plans are, and you won’t have to deal with some secretive, silent, sly bamboozler full of nasty surprises. Here I am.” He doffed his bowler and settled it gently over his dark hair. “Think about it,” he said. “Scots thinkers are very superior.”
    â€œHorsepucky,” she said.
    â€œWould you mind if I meandered around a bit? I should like to see the mine that has become the object of my lusts,” he said.
    â€œAnd what are you going to do? Snatch some ore so you can have it assayed?”
    â€œNot a bad idea,” he said. “No, I thought I’d see if the corner cairns are properly in place, so that if you should turn me down I might have legal grounds to invalidate your claim under federal law. I fancy myself as a mine-robber.”
    â€œWhy do I like you?” she asked. “Go right ahead.”
    â€œWe’re two of a kind,” he said, clambering into the buggy. “Now, if I can urge this dray up that grade, I’ll see the McPhee.”
    The buggy horse pushed into his collar and