me. I wanted to let go of the past and dive headfirst into the future. I wanted to give him all of me—heart, soul, mind and body—and be open and vulnerable to him. I wanted to trust him. “I’ll figure it out. I’ll stay until you finish the song.”
And I’d get my emotions back in check. This wasn’t some fairytale. This was real life with a real man who had the potential to do real damage if I let him.
Derek sat back and shot me a cocky smile. “What if I never finish the song? Will you still be here?”
“Don’t push your luck.”
He chuckled and wrapped me in a bear hug. “I think this is our best Saturday beach trip yet.”
I backed away from the hug and gave an exaggerated look down at his crotch. “I can’t imagine why you’d think that.”
“What? Like it wasn’t good for you, Miss ‘Oh God! Fuck!’” he mocked, complete with a look of ecstasy.
Heat crept up my neck and flushed my face. I covered it with my hands. “Hey,” he said, pulling them down, “can I tell you how awesome it is to make you feel that way? It’s better that winning a Grammy. A million times better.”
I laughed. “Oh, I’m sure it’s that fabulous.”
He narrowed his eyes, lowered his chin and stared at me. An intense minute passed without a word. He didn’t even blink. Finally, he broke the tense silence. “Have you ever known me to lie? Believe what I tell you, Bess.”
Derek never lied. “Okay,” I whispered, hoarsely over the lump in my throat. I licked my lips and settled myself. “I have to admit it feels pretty good making you lose control, too.”
His eyes softened. “Making me lose it? I give it to you, willingly.”
“Can’t even admit to a single moment of weakness?”
He let out a snort of laughter. “If you only knew.”
“Oh, right. There was that time I talked you into stealing a beach umbrella. You were putty in my hands.”
“You use your power for evil,” he said, pulling me back down on top of him.
“It worked. I lured you into my lair.” I ran my fingers through his hair and stared into his light eyes, brimming with heat. I imagined myself in that exact position hundreds of times and never thought I’d actually end up lying on top of Derek’s warm, hard, smooth, perfect body gazing down at him.
He closed his eyes, enjoying my fingers running through his hair, my nails tickling his scalp. I bent my head down to kiss his chin, intending on following his jaw around to his ear, but caught myself. I jerked my hand away like it burned. What I was allowing myself was intimacy, not just an act of physical pleasure, not just sexual.
“I know,” he said, not opening his eyes. “It’s all too fast. Your rules, Bess. Don’t freak.”
“I’m fine.” I rolled off of him. “Just wondering what time it is.”
He rested his forearm across his brow and turned to me. “Got somewhere else to be?”
I turned from him. “What if I did?”
“That would be regrettable.”
“I don’t.”
“Bess?”
I picked at a thread in the hem of my cover-up. “Hm?”
“Do you want to forgive me?”
My head snapped back to him. He was leaning up on his elbow, watching me. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Let’s not pretend that you aren’t every bit as controlling as I am. I want you. You know it. You have all the control until you forgive me for whatever it was I did almost ten years ago that you haven’t let go of. When you do let it go, we’ll be on even ground.”
I spun around and shot up on my knees. “Will we be on even ground, or will you still want me and I’ll think you’re an arrogant ass?”
Before he could say another word, I bolted out of the cabana. How dare he try to minimize my feelings. This was exactly what I had a problem with all along—Derek overlooking my feelings.
“Bess!” he yelled, but I didn’t turn around.
He didn’t come after me.
I didn’t think he would.
Eight
Derek
S treet lights lit up the sidewalk, which was welcome since I