Free Undercover by Maria Hammarblad Page A

would have to leave was coming closer. Once he left, he might never come back. “Of course I do, and I think you know that.”
    He shifted his weight. “Jenny, you should know I have done many things in the past that were… bad.”
    She hoped his words were due to a sudden problem with the language, but it didn’t seem likely. What could he possibly have been up to that was all that bad? She weighed her words carefully. “You know, whether something is bad or not sort of depends on the setting. Don’t try to tell me you’re evil or anything, because you’re not.”
    “No, I don’t think I’m evil. But I haven’t spent my life being an angel either.”
    Whatever he wanted to say, she didn’t want to hear it, and whatever he might have done, she didn’t want to know. If this was cowardice, she was happy to be a coward. “The past is the past, and you can’t change it. If you want to talk about it, I’m here. I won’t condemn you, no matter what you’ve done. I promise.”
    He looked very serious, enough so to bring a cold block of ice to her stomach. The ice was scary but useful; it helped her keep a steady voice, “The answer to your question is still yes. I want you to stay.”
    Since he was trying to be honest, he deserved the same from her. “It’s what I want more than anything else.”
    “Thank you.” He kissed her temple. “We can talk about those other things some other day.”
    “You know, sometimes love stories have happy endings. It’s okay to be happy.”
    As evening turned into night, she fell asleep in his arms, with her head resting on his chest. She woke up from Alex murmuring, “Sweetheart, you’re sleeping. It’s time to go to bed.”
    Go? Why should she have to go anywhere? Too much work.
    He tried again, “Go upstairs and go to bed. I’ll turn the lights off and be with you in a minute.”
    She curled up closer to him instead. “If I do, can I still sleep in your arms?”
    “Silly girl, of course you can. Off you go, don’t make me carry you. Don’t think I can’t or won’t do it.”
    The threat wasn’t too scary, but she still made an effort. She shuffled upstairs and forced herself to stay awake until he came to bed. Life was good.
    Life stayed good for a few days more, until Jenny came home to a dark house where only the cat came to meet her. She heard her lover upstairs, discussing something in Russian on the phone. He paced around, and it was more than the foreign melody making his voice sharp.
    She waited in the kitchen, nursing her fears. How empty would the house be without him? He stopped moving around but didn’t come down, and she dragged her feet towards the staircase. There might be bliss in not knowing, but facing one’s fears held value too.
     
    *****
     
    Alex stood by a big window, looking out at the night with his back straight and his hands folded behind it. How could he be so stupid? He should know better than getting attached to someone. He lived in a dream, an idiot intoxicated by blue eyes and golden hair. Done was done though, and now he’d have to try to deal with it.
    Jenny’s voice drifted over to him, “Are you alright?”
    He couldn’t meet her eyes. “Yes, I am fine.”
    She’d never believe that . He should do something, reach out for her and say something sweet, but in this state of mind he might accidentally crush her.
    “Alright. I’ll go make dinner.”
    She sounded disappointed, and it was his fault. “Wait…” The frown on her forehead was just too cute. His imagination painted out his superior’s wrinkled face saying, “leverage,” and the word echoed through his mind. Endangering other people had never been an issue; he never cared about anyone before. “I have been ordered to go back. I must stay there a week or maybe two before continuing my shore leave.”
    Close enough to the truth.
    “I see.” Her voice was barely more than a whisper, and broke his heart. This just wouldn’t do. He made sure his face