Free Beatless by Amber L. Johnson Page B

I was surprised at how easy the transition had been from never doing anything, to suddenly wanting everything . And the thought of Tucker being my first didn’t cause me to be anxious at all. If I was going to do it, then he’d be my number one choice. I never told him these things, though. I couldn’t find the right words or the right timing.
    His hands traveled every place he could get to, over my shirt, inside the pockets of my jeans, or the backs of my thighs if I was wearing a skirt. I was always nervous about where my hands should go but they inevitably ended up fingertip deep around his waistband. Unless he got bold and placed my hand on his zipper to prove his point.
    “Soon,” I promised, wishing that I’d be a little braver and just take the plunge already.
    ***
    “You should invest in some Chap Stick,” Sam chuckled over dinner one night. “And by the way, he needs to leave before midnight. I’m cool with him coming over but I still have to take your mom’s rules into consideration. Plus, you need sleep. And whatever other old people excuses I can make for trying to keep you from getting pregnant before you graduate.”
    “Oh my God,” I whispered and covered my face. “We’re not . . .”
    She waved her hand. “Yeah, I know.”
    My loss of appetite caused me to rise from the table and scrape the rest of the food on my plate into the trash can. “Speaking of Mom, she hasn’t called in a few days.”
    Sam averted her gaze and picked up her glass to refill it with tea. “I . . . yeah. About that.”
    I waited, leaning against the sink. If my aunt was having trouble explaining it then it was probably a huge deal.
    She took in a huge breath and cleared her throat as she formed her thoughts. “Your mom did call me. She’s really busy and you’ve been busy so . . . Anyway. She told me that she met someone. In Texas. You know . . . where she is. In Texas. For work.”
    I knew where my mother was. The falter in Sam’s voice caused my jaw to clench. “Cool.” It was the only response I really had to the news. My mom had left me with my aunt and now she was starting up a new relationship in a completely different state and I was supposed to be okay with it.
    “Listen, kiddo. It was bound to happen.”
    “She could have let it happen a little closer to home.” I turned and grabbed hold of the sponge, wetting it and furiously scrubbing at my plate, getting immense satisfaction from the amount of bubbles I was producing.
    The sound of Sam rising and slowly approaching from behind made my shoulders slump and when she turned me to pull me into a hug, I allowed myself to crumble against her chest.
    “I think some part of me thought they’d get back together,” I choked against her.
    “Well, we all have hopes.”
    “She’s going to stay there?”
    “No, of course not. She has to come back.”
    “She’ll just make you stay with me until I get my Associates.”
    “No, she won’t. She can’t.”
    “I don’t want things to change like this, though.” My mind raced with all the scenarios this new revelation brought up. Would she sell the house? I’d lived here my entire life. I had often thought about how I’d come home over breaks and still have my room. That the house would someday be mine to raise my own family in.
    “Eventually everything changes,” Sam said softly, running her hand through my hair. “Complacency is for the weak.”
    ***
    There was a lot on my mind the day before our final show. I was distracted – couldn’t remember my parts or my cues. Sara eventually pulled me aside to ask if I was okay and I had to pretend that I was. There were very few people I could share everything with, that I felt comfortable opening up and confessing my deepest fears to. I’d already been labeled as overdramatic - I didn’t need to have someone else giving me that stigma.
    On the drive home, Tucker reached over and slipped his fingers between mine, placing our intertwined digits in his