Free Coach Hyatt Is a Riot! by Dan Gutman Page B

old,” Andrea said.
    â€œDon’t you get tired?” I asked.
    â€œVery funny, Arlo.”
    â€œHow can you cheer for football?” Michael asked Andrea. “You probably don’t even know what a touchdown is.”
    â€œYeah!” agreed Ryan.
    â€œA touchdown is a scoring play in which any part of the ball, while legally in the possession of a player who is inbounds, crosses the plane of the opponent’s goalline,” Andrea said. “I read a book about football, so now I know all about it.”
    I hate her. Why can’t a goalpost fall on Andrea’s head?
    â€œDo you want to hear one of our cheers?” asked Emily. “We wrote them ourselves.”
    â€œOh yes,” I said, “I’d love to…in the next century.”
    So of course Andrea and Emily did theircheer anyway. They danced around while chanting:

    â€œJump in the air! Fall in the dirt.
    Just make sure no one gets hurt!
    Go…Moose!”
    â€œThat cheer is lame,” I told them.
    â€œYou’re mean, Arlo!” Andrea said.
    Their cheer was lame. Football cheers should be cool. I made up a cheer on the spot that was way better than their dumb cheer.
    â€œBust ’em! Beat ’em! Make ’em bleed!
    Hit ’em till their eyeballs fall out.”
    â€œThat doesn’t even rhyme,” Emily said.
    â€œAnd it’s so violent!” said Andrea. “We only do positive cheers that don’t hurt anyone’s feelings.”
    â€œYes,” said Emily. “It’s not whether you win or lose; it’s how you play the game. Isn’t the important thing to have fun?”
    â€œNo!” I said. “Where’d you get that crazy idea?”
    The girls did one of their routines where they throw each other up in the air while they do a cheer.
    â€œLaugh and play and shout and sing!
    Winning isn’t everything!
    Go…Moose!”
    What a lame cheer. But I had to admit that Andrea and her friends were pretty good at throwing each other up. In the air, that is. If you threw up a person, it would be disgusting.
    I remembered that in fizz ed, Andrea is always the one who can balance feathers, juggle scarves, and do stuff better than anybody else. She’s a good soccer player, too. But she’s still annoying.
    â€œDo you want to see us make a human pyramid?” asked Emily.
    â€œWhy don’t you go to Egypt and make a real pyramid,” I suggested. “And don’t come back.”
    â€œHumphf!” said Andrea. She and theother cheerleaders stormed away to practice at the other end of the field.
    When girls get mad, they always say “Humphf.” Nobody knows why.

4
Weird Training Methods
    Coach Hyatt pulled up in her Mini Cooper with her weird son, Wyatt Hyatt. She blew her whistle.
    â€œLine up!” she barked. “I hope you ragamuffins are ready to work today.”
    â€œAre we gonna run more laps?” Michael asked.
    â€œNo!”
    â€œAre we gonna do jumping jacks?” asked Ryan.
    â€œNo!”
    â€œAre we gonna do push-ups?” asked Neil the nude kid.
    â€œNo!”
    â€œSit-ups?” I asked. “Touch our toes?”
    â€œNo!”
    â€œThen what are we gonna do?” Michael asked.
    â€œYou’re going to pick up my car,” said Coach Hyatt.
    â€œWHAT?!”
    â€œYou heard me! Pick up my car!”
    â€œI can’t pick up a car,” I said.

    â€œYou can’t pick up a car by yourself ,” said Coach Hyatt. “But I bet that all of you can pick up my car together .”
    She told half of the team to grab the front bumper of the Mini Cooper and theother half of the team to grab the back bumper. Wyatt just picked his nose.
    â€œOkay,” Coach Hyatt said, “when I blow my whistle, pick up the car.”
    She blew her whistle, and we pulled up with all our might. And you’ll never believe in a million hundred years what happened.
    We picked up the