Free Hold Fast by Olivia Rigal, Shannon Macallan Page A

dedicated . They believe, absolutely and utterly, in the divine inspiration of Father Emmanuel and his New Revelation. They throw themselves so fully into this life, into serving their prophet, that they barely even remember they have a child. Do they not see how much their daughter is starving for attention? How much potential she has? She’s so bright--this little girl could be anything when she grows up, if she’s only given the chance. Jennifer will probably be the only person I will truly miss when I finally am able to leave here.
    “Sister Rebecca came up a little while ago looking for you,” Jennie says, pulling away from me, concentrating very hard to remember the words. “She asked me to say that she wanted to see you at the infirmary before you started your chores,” she recites in an adorable sing-song.
    “Thank you, Jennie,” I tell her, planting a quick little peck on her cheek.
    She giggles, refreshing as a spring shower, but the sound of her laughter stops suddenly when she frowns. “Is Brother Daniel coming back soon?” she whispers. Yeah, she definitely won’t let go of a question. “And is your mommy very sick?”
    “I’m don’t know when he’s coming back, baby. And I’m not sure about my mom. Now hop down,” I say, patting her on the butt. “I guess I’ll find out about my mom when I see Sister Rebecca.”
    Jennifer makes a face, looking around for nearby eyes and ears before putting her lips to my ears. “I don’t like Sister Rebecca!” she whispers.
    None of the children like Sister Rebecca. She gives them shots, and the only kind of love she knows is tough love, given freely with the sharpest edge of her tongue. That makes her a most effective nurse: no one wants to spend time in her infirmary if there’s any way to avoid it.
    Some of Jennifer’s little friends come and drag her away, chittering excitedly: rumor has it that if her crew of tiny hands finishes picking their quota of wild blueberries early enough, they will be allowed to spend the rest of the afternoon splashing around at the lake. That’s exciting news for the youngest children.
    Left alone, I go through the morning motions. I splash lukewarm water on my face, but I don’t have my toothbrush. Even if I could find it in the wreckage of my sad little home, it would probably be beyond use now. I shrug, put some toothpaste on the corner of my washcloth and scrub my teeth as best I can. I still have a few moments before morning prayers and breakfast when I’m done. If I hurry, I can make it to the infirmary before joining the crowd for morning prayers and breakfast.
    “Blessed morning, Sister Rebecca,” I say to Nathan’s mother as I enter her petty little kingdom of misery.
    “Blessed morning, child,” she answers. Her usual condescension is somehow even more unbearable than usual.
    “May I see my mother?” I ask, and her face changes. Rebecca’s usual look of smug superiority has vanished, replaced with… pity? Concern? She’s never acted the least bit concerned for anyone before. What’s wrong with my mother?
    “Not right now,” she tells me, not unkindly. “Maybe tonight. She’s resting, now. I’ve given her something. To sleep.” Rebecca hesitates, as if debating how much to tell me, then looks away, frowning. “She’s had a very bad night and I think it’s best if she’s left alone for now.”
    “Fine.” What else can I say? “So I’ll be on my way, then, and come back before dinner time? If that’s all right with you?”
    Rebecca nods, and I’m halfway to the door before I stop and turn back to her.
    “Sister Rebecca? What’s wrong with my mother?” I ask. “I know that she has the, the-- I guess, mood swings?”
    Rebecca looks out the small, grimy window and frowns thoughtfully, pursing her lips. She spends such a long moment in thought that I’m not sure she’ll even answer my question.
    “Your mother,” she finally answers, “hears the voice of The Lord perhaps a little