Free Unprotected by Kristin Lee Johnson Page B

away. Finally, his whole body shuddered, and then he was still. Amanda’s heart was still racing, but she laid still. He pulled away and rolled onto his back, still breathing hard and fast.
    Jake looked over and saw a tear slide down her cheek by her temple. She couldn’t look at him. Neither knew what to say. She wondered if he was going to get up and go back to his room.
    He took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh, staring at the ceiling.
    “God, Amanda,” Jake whispered. “Was that okay? Are you okay?” He sounded worried, and possibly regretful.
    She nodded.
    “I love you, Amanda.”
    She squeezed her eyes shut. He reached down and held her hand until he fell asleep.
     
    * * *
     
    Amanda lay still, unaware of the time passing. Jake had rolled over and was facing away from her, his breathing slow and regular. She could hardly absorb what had just happened, what he had just said, what they had just done.
    She edged her way out of bed, pulling on a t-shirt and shorts. Some part of her mind wondered if Trix or Michael had heard them. She felt uncomfortable and sore. Her hands were shaking, and her breathing was still ragged. The dull roar in the back of her head had returned, stronger than it had ever been. The urge to hurt herself was almost uncontrollable. Nothing had ever been as terrifying as the feeling she had at this moment. She backed away from the bed and found her two laundry baskets. One was full of folded clothes waiting to be put away. She opened her drawers as quietly as she could and piled the rest of her clothes in the baskets.
    The room had never been very dark because of the bright streetlight that shined through the bedroom window. Amanda scanned the floor and decided to grab the most important things to pack in her bags, her eyes barely focusing as the tears fell.
    Amanda had sloppily packed two laundry baskets and stuffed some things into her pillow case. She dragged them carefully into the hallway and down the stairs to the entryway. She found her purse with her keys hanging by the door. Carefully she opened the door and set her belongings on the front step.
    The house creaked, and Amanda paused. A tiny voice in her head tried to tell her to run back upstairs and crawl into bed with Jake. She imagined the warmth lying next to him under the sheets. Then her stomach lurched, and Amanda choked. It was just too much, and she just couldn’t stand to feel everything she was feeling. Tears sprang up again, and she knew she was being a fraud. This was not her life. This was not her world. She would never be allowed to stay.
    Amanda pulled the door open quietly, set the lock so the door would still be locked when she left, and pulled the door closed behind her. She dragged her baskets to her car parked in the driveway, loaded them quickly in the hatchback, and closed it carefully. She got in the car and backed out of the driveway before she turned the ignition. She drove away.
    When she reached the park a few blocks away where she used to play soccer, Amanda pulled her car over. She held her head in her hands and sobbed.
     
     

Part Two
     
     
    Chapter Five
     
    October 2010
     
    In those ridiculous heels, every footstep made an echoing clop that announced her departure to the lower floors of the courthouse. She hoped she had escaped before Jake realized she had run away once again.
    Finally she found a back door and went outside, blasted by the brisk October air. She decided to walk and attempt to clear her head. She had only been there a month, but she loved her job. Social work was a career she backed into because the sociology classes in college interested her the most. During a seminar, there was a speaker on child protection, about which she was amazingly ignorant. The idea of helping families heal and get back together spoke to her. Families were fascinating to Amanda because she had never really had one of her own. Perhaps seeing other people’s families up close would help her figure out