Free Halcyon Rising by Diana Bold Page B

tortured groan he gave in, lowering his mouth to hers, kissing her with a hunger borne of years of loneliness and despair.
    She responded in kind, moaning deep in her throat as she pressed against him. The soft swells of her breasts crushed against his chest, and her slim thighs straddled his own.
    The moment she settled upon him, the pleasure disappeared, replaced by the nightmare of his past. Panic surged within him, and he wrenched his lips from hers, setting her roughly aside.
    Damaged. Dirty. Broken.
    The words tumbled through his mind as he struggled to regain control. He had fantasized endlessly about having her in his arms, but he found he could not do it. Even after all these years, he could not stand to be touched or restrained in any way.
    “Rhoswen,” he breathed, the word wrenched from deep inside him. “If you were in my mind, you must have seen things… things that must have horrified you. And you have to know… I am unclean. I do not deserve your kiss… your touch.”
    She blinked up at him in confusion, her lips swollen from his kiss, her nipples hard against the soft fabric of her strange clothes. “I saw nothing but good in you, Sebastian. I don’t know what you mean.”
    Her words shattered him. He did not know if she told the truth or lied to spare his feelings. He could not bear the thought of her having seen the degradations he had suffered at Sa’id’s hands. Or worse yet, how his body had often acted independently of his mind, how he had found pleasure in things that should have disgusted him, how he had sometimes begged to be touched.
    Sa’id had always liked to hear him beg.
    A tremor traveled the length of his body as he tried to force the hateful memories back where they belonged. His arousal faded in an icy rush. Christ, he had managed to keep thoughts of Sa’id buried for so long. And for a moment he hated her for making him relive them.
    She scrambled to her knees, kneading his shoulder, obviously distressed. “Don’t be angry. I won’t force myself on you again. I promise.”
    He gave a bitter laugh, feeling unmanned. What sort of man turned a woman like her away?
    Unfortunately, the answer was clear. He wasn’t a man. He had lost the right to call himself one in the desert.
    The wisest course would be to leave the tower until he had gained some control, but he couldn’t bring himself to move away. Despite everything, the last half hour had been one of the best of his life. He had never felt this close to anyone.
    “Talk to me,” he implored, desperate for some answers. She had him twisted in knots, and he still did not even know who she was. “Tell me where you came from.”
    “I can’t do that,” she reiterated. “I would like to. Really I would. But even if I did, you’d never believe me.”
    “I would believe you.” He could not begin to imagine a place where gadgets like the ones on his desk were commonplace, but he feared the answer would shake his entire world.
    “My offer still stands. I will tell you everything you want to know about our instruments. How they’re made and what they’re used for. I can answer any of your questions, except for where I’m from. All you have to do in return is help me leave this place.”
    With a harsh sigh, he stared up at the vaulted stone ceiling. He wanted what she offered, more than he could possibly explain, even more than he wanted to sink deep within her sweet, soft body and banish the ghosts of his past. But he could not see any way to match her bargain without earning his brother’s eternal enmity.
    “Sebastian! Open the door.” Angry and frustrated, the distinctive bellow sounded from the courtyard below the tower, slicing through Sebastian’s troubled thoughts.
    Simon.
    Sebastian could not imagine what had brought his brother to his doorstep at this time of night, but it did not bode well.
     
    * * *
     
    Simon’s angry roar sent trepidation chasing down Rhoswen’s spine. She cast Sebastian a nervous glance,