Free The Girl in the Window by Valerie Douglas Page A

curled against her back, his legs tangled with hers, in the morning. No chest to lay her head on, his arm curled around her shoulders as she listened to his heartbeat.
    Matt wouldn’t be standing in their bathroom brushing his teeth, his dark hair tousled, his eyes sleepy. Or sitting on the couch with her, both of them reading, her head propped on his thigh.
    Those were the things she missed, those precious little moments. The scent of his skin, the feel of her arms around him, and his around hers, his head on her shoulder in the morning.
    All their hopes, their dreams, had died with Matt, too.
    She couldn’t live them for him. Or without him.
    She’d been lost.
    Her grief had been terrifying, the emptiness a gaping cavern inside her. At night she would pace the rooms, wandering from one to another. There were times she knew she cried, but she wasn’t even aware of it. She considered suicide. All that had kept her from it had been the thought of Ruth. Ruth would’ve been so mad at her.
    Damn right I would be mad .
    A part of Beth knew Ruth wasn’t really there, but it felt like she was. She could almost see her, almost reach out and touch her. Thin, her reddish brown hair just a little frizzed with the heat and humidity, but pulled back neatly so it would be out of the way. A teacher, Ruth always looked proper, but not fussy.
    Beth could almost feel Ruth’s eyes on her, her hand on her shoulder.
    You don’t know what’s coming, baby , Ruth said, more gently. You don’t know what you might miss.
    Then, once more, Ruth was gone, but not truly. Not forever, because a part of Ruth would be with her always.
    Still, the fear was there, still with her. There was too much emotion. Beth didn’t know if she wanted to feel this much again. It was like a live thing inside her, that fear, crawling through her veins, turning her muscles to Jell-O. She didn’t know how to handle it, how to contain so much emotion. She wanted, and she was afraid.
    Gazing around the empty bedroom, her breath hitching, she wished for someone to hold her. A shoulder to cry on.
    There was Josh and she wanted him, she wanted it to be him, but there were ways in which he reminded her so much of Matt. They looked nothing alike, but their spirits were the same. It was there in his kindness, in his big heart, that generosity of spirit that some, but not all, men had.
    It felt as if she was losing Matt to reach for Josh and she wanted to reach for Josh, but she didn’t want to lose Matt.
    An imaginary hand stroked her hair, broad and strong. Not Ruth.
    Matt.
    Now she could ‘see’ him, clearly, in her mind’s eye. His tousled dark hair, his deep brown eyes, his face. Her heart ached. Her eyes burned. She bit her lip to keep the tears from falling.
    You can’t lose me.
    His voice came to her as clear as a bell. She’d always loved his voice, loved the sound of it.
    As with Ruth, the sense of his presence was so strong, so sure.
    I’m right here , he said, and I always will be. As I am with you. You’re not alone, love. Never alone. But you have to go on, baby. You have to go on. There’s a whole life out there for you. A life I can’t have, but you can still live. You have a right to be happy, Beth. You have a life, go live it .
    She could almost feel his hand on her hair, his kiss brush her forehead.
    Then he was gone.

Chapter Eight
     
    Josh looked out onto the bright, beautiful, summer morning, onto the light mist that lay over the cornfields. The sunlight was slowly burning the thin fog off. It would be hot and a little humid once again. This summer was turning out hotter and wetter than usual.
    It was beautiful, though, the light soft, the fields brilliantly green and gold. The corn was coming in good; it liked this weather and was already higher than it should be this early in the season. He couldn’t complain about that.
    Thoughts rattled around in his brain like marbles in a tin cup, but he waited for Beth, wondering if she’d come