Free Rebirth by Michael Poeltl Page A

she could see the head. A wave of relief overtook me, offering a reprieve from the painful work. That my baby wasn’t facing the other way gave me cause for thanks.
     
    “Lots of hair,” she noted, sweat glistening on her face as she looked up at me from her position between my legs. “Could be a girl!” But I knew it was a boy.
     
    From the moment she announced the appearance of his head, it was just a few more minutes of pushing before my baby was born.
     
    It was two hours to the minute, five months to the day that Joel had left me. A bittersweet birthday, that his son should be born on the day his father passed away into the dark, forever.
     
    The baby cried as Caroline struggled to cut the cord and clean him off. Thank God he was healthy. If he’d required any medical assistance he might not have made it past his first day.
     
    “Seven months.” Sid recalled the brief length of my pregnancy, looking incredulously at the new life in my arms. “Lucky number.” We all smiled. In fact, I couldn’t will the smile off my face. I stared at the tiny baby in my arms with a love that could not be spoken. A little me. A little Joel.
     
    The placenta came out moments after. It was a bizarre thing to behold, resembling a giant organ, with delicate, dark veins running through it. Caroline pulled it gently with the umbilical cord. This part too was painful, but after the relief of finally having the baby out of me, I pushed bravely through my tears of happiness.
     
    I was lucky: no tearing. He was small enough at just seven months not to have done any collateral damage to his mother.
     
    I spent the rest of the day in bed, recuperating, drinking fluids, tended to by Caroline. The baby, Leif, as I’d named him, after my father, rested comfortably beside me. Lucky again to have a healthy baby boy that even at one or two months premature had no trouble breathing. I wondered that something so small and helpless could be alive. But there he was. His eyes opened briefly and although I knew he could only make out shapes at this age, it was as though we made eye contact. He knew, and I knew, we were both in this together. I had brought a new life into this crazy world, one that depended on me for its very survival. And survival was top-of-mind for all of us. With that in mind, I set my sights on feeding him. With no formula for him, I knew it was breast milk or bust. I brought his tiny head to my left breast, expecting him to latch on immediately. Instead, he turned his face away and began to cry.
     
    Each time I put him to my breast, his tiny mouth was unable to navigate my nipple.
     
    “This isn’t working,” I said to Caroline, frustrated. “He’s not getting anything to eat.” I was becoming frantic.
     
    “We’ll get there, Sara. He’s going to have to take it eventually.”
     
    My mind suddenly wandered to thoughts of Seth. “Has Sid located anyone yet? Seth?”
     
    “No. It’s really weird, right? None of them.”
     
    “Why would Seth go off with those animals?”
     
    “I don’t know.” A shared fear mounted between us as we came to the same conclusion. I shook my head and pulled my baby a little closer to my face.
     
    “Sid will find him, Sara. Just concentrate on Leif.” She got up from her seated position on the bed beside me and left the room, closing the door softly. With Leif nestled firmly in my arms, I fell asleep, exhausted, but deeply in love.
     
    *****
     
    Sid was out of breath and soaked to the bone. Caroline was trailing as they entered my bedroom. He had found Seth and confirmed the return of the others to Skylab.
     
    “I’m so sorry, Sara.” He pushed the hair out of my face, kneeling at my bedside. His hands were hot, but wet. Instantly I knew what had happened. Seth was dead. I would never see him again. Another bloody senseless tragedy. Just as one little life was beginning another had ended. What had I done? Why had I brought a child into this madness? I closed my eyes