Free Everyone's Favorite Girl by Steph Sweeney Page A

butt,” Flora said.
    “Are you wearing a thong?”
    “Yes.”
    “Turn around.”
    She did.  The sweater covered most of her ass, enough to give the illusion from behind that she wore no panties at all.  James didn’t have it in him to remain objective after seeing Flora’s butt cheeks peeking out below the back of her sweater.
    To calm her nerves, I took off my jeans.  I also wore a thong, but my t-shirt barely covered my belly button, so I was more naked than she was.  Not that it did anything for her.  She was mortified.
    But I called James to take the food cart anyway, and when he knocked, I stuck the laced banana in her hand and pushed her toward the door.  Snatching a cold piece of bacon off the cart, I sat at the table with my back to the room.
    This was like fishing.  All I could do was sit quietly and hope James took the bait.
    The door swung open.
    “Hi James.”  She sounded so sheepish.   I wondered what that did for him .
    Silence for a moment.  Then, “Almost bedtime?”
    “Yeah, we’re—it’s getting pretty . . .”
    She was fumbling for words.  I had to interject.
    “Flora, come here,” I barked.  I heard the pitter-patter of her feet, imagined the look on James’s face as his eyes bounced with Flora’s butt.  When I felt her behind me, I said, “Get me a glass of water.”
    James strolled in, as I expected he would when I pulled Flora away.  I must admit, watching her stand at the sink, barefoot, barelegged, and halfway bare-assed, it was hard to concentrate on anything else.
    I popped the last bite of bacon in my mouth and spun around in my chair to find James walking slowly with a hand in his pocket, like a potential buyer at an open house.  He was circumnavigating the table, giving it—me—a wide berth, and moving closer and closer to Flora.
    Flora brought my glass of water, passing James, who spun to face me directly.  That was when I noticed he was holding the banana.  Flora must have handed it to him, maybe asked him to hold it in a whisper I didn’t hear.
    Now he was handing it back to her with a smile, like a boyfriend who fucks up and comes back with flowers the next day.
    “Thank you,” Flora said, accepting the banana with both hands.  To me she looked suspicious, but James s eemed to think she was flirting, a condition all nice, bashful girls suffer: every guy thinks you want to fuck him—and if not, you’re at least too polite to say no.
    “You like bananas?” James asked.
    Come here often?
    “Yeah,” Flora said.  “They’re my favorite.”
    Good girl.
    “I love bananas,” James said.
    Flora looked down at the one she held.  Then she raised it up to him, putting on a smile even I believed.
    James swallowed nervously.  “Well . . . thank you, Flora.”
    He accepted the banana, and I’d be damned if he wasn’t peeling it open.
    You’re a fucking genius, Flora!
    What he did next scared the shit out of me.  He didn’t take a bite.  He broke off the top piece and held it out to Flora.
    Flora reached up, and all I wanted to do was scream, but instead of taking it, she grabbed his wrist delicately, stepped in, and took a bite from the whole banana.
    James reacted physically.  He began to breathe deeply, likely overcome by the desire to feel her lips on his penis.  Men are simple in that way.  A girl and a banana and he’s lost to the world for the rest of the day.
    Flora stepped back, chewing, staring up at him expectantly.  She even ran her hand up her thigh, drawing up her sweater to expose her stomach.  What an effective little co-conspirator she turned out to be.
    James popped the top piece of banana in his mouth, chewing vigorously at first but slowing down fast, so that by the time he swallowed he looked like a cow chewing cud.  Tears were streaming down his cheeks by then, too, and he offered us both a wide, open-mouthed, banana-pasted smile.
    “I’m s-sorry,” he said.  “You two are the most beautiful women I’ve ever