Free Honeymoon Hazards by Ben Boswell Page B

work through whatever issues this episode had uncovered? I’d come around to the idea of just being cool and aloof, an attitude designed to show that not only had she not hurt me, but I was above it all. I’d pity her. But then, suddenly face-to-face with my cheating spouse, I was speechless. I just stared at her mutely. My silence seemed to set her on edge and she started rambling at me.
    “I don’t know how it happened. It was just, I dunno. I was drunk. He was really charming. You didn’t really seem to mind. Even when he started kissing me, you couldn’t take your eyes off that whore. I was trying to make you jealous, or maybe make her jealous, or just piss her off, but by the time either of you paid any attention to us, we were pretty far gone, and I didn’t want him to stop. And I was thinking that maybe you liked it, you know the whole voyeur thing. And I dunno, I just got carried away. He was very good. Oops, I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I did really sort of think I was doing it for you.”
    She ended there, I think deciding finally that was her best argument. For a moment I didn’t speak, and she opened her mouth to continue. I raised my hand to ward off another onslaught of words.
    “So, you were doing me a favor? Fulfilling a fantasy of mine.”
    She nodded, her face brightening.
    “Yes, yes, John. I was thinking that.”
    “And you were thinking that when you left me passed out on the beach and went off to his room?”
    “Well, I got carried away. He was –“
    “Yes, very good. You mentioned that. Well, at least you didn’t need to do anything you didn’t enjoy to fulfill my fantasy.”
    I kept my tone surprisingly flat given the circumstances. I could see Claire trying to puzzle it out. Was I really being understanding? Was I building to an explosion? I forced a smile. I liked seeing her confused. I counted it as a small victory.
    The uncomfortable silence between us brought forth another torrent of explanations.
    “I should have run it by you, but I sort of did when we talked about you being a voyeur. And yeah, going to his room was a bad idea. It just spun out of control. Maybe it would be better if we kept these fantasies under wraps.”
    We . That one elicited a genuine smile from me. A sardonic smile, but a genuine one.
    She stepped a little closer, looking for a hug, an absolution. Instead, I lowered the boom.
    “God, Claire, you are full of shit, you know that?”
    “No. John.”
    “Don’t ‘no John’ me. You can’t possibly think I’m dumb enough to buy all… all… this,” I waved my arm around to encompass, well, everything she’d just said.
    She looked up, down, over my shoulder, anywhere but at me. “I wanted to believe it’s what you wanted.”
    At least we were getting closer to the truth.
    She continued softly, “I thought if it would turn you on, it would be okay. Weird, but okay.”
    I continued to stare at her mutely.
    She finally returned her gaze to me. “I don’t know what to say, or what to do. I’m sorry.”
    I shook my head. I didn’t know what to say or what to do either. I know people always talk tough about this sort of thing, enunciating a zero tolerance approach. But, of course, that’s mostly for deterrence. Though we were newlyweds, we’d been together for years, had already begun to make a life together. Did I really want to throw all that away because of a drunken night on the beach?
    “I need to think some more about this,” I finally muttered as I walked back out of the room.

    I didn’t quite know what to do next. I went back down to the lobby bar. I was the only one there. It was another beautiful day in paradise, and even the morning drinkers were out by the pool rather than in the darker lobby bar. This was no time for a fruity drink. I ordered a Bourbon, neat. I don’t actually drink whiskey normally, but it felt like the right thing to order given the occasion. I downed it, feeling the burn in my