Free Scavengers by Rosalyn Wraight Page A

too. If only the two them could fathom that disguises were sometimes neon signs that begged the world, “Look at me!"

    I elbowed Claudia and pointed to the front door with my head. Simultaneously, we both got about three inches shorter and hightailed it to the next aisle. While that might have provided better coverage, it did little for Claudia's comfort level, as foot after foot of shelving prominently displayed every dildo known to man—or woman, depending, again, upon your perspective. Had the displays not started with the penis-replica variety, maybe she would have done better. I steered her down a ways, hurrying past the purple jelly one, so tall that it was nearly eye-level, and then moved her even faster past the two-headed monster that was honestly long enough to accommodate having sex in two different counties at the same time. I stopped her near the ones that were pretty—if it were even possible to allow “pretty” to modify “dildo.” Comparatively speaking, however, it worked.

    "Look,” I dared. “This one is kind of cool.” I grabbed a pink glass one that curved its way into a heart-shaped handle at the base. “And look,” I added. “You get a ‘free lube sample and stylish storage bag.’”

    Now Claudia was as disgusted with me as she was with the merchandise. Experience taught me that a roaring passion burned within her, but its flames were private, a sacredness she shared only with the one she loved, and never, ever was such a thing to be trivialized. On the outside, she was a staunch prude; on the inside, she was a force to which only I was privy. I decided to shut my mouth and let her have her discomfort; it was a part of her.

    Just then, the rest of the group broke our cover.

    As if talking to someone across a stadium in the middle of a Motorhead concert, Laura said, “I have no need for things like these, ladies, but then again, if I were a man, I wouldn't need Viagra, either.” She reached for Holly to pull her near.

    "I bet you'd have no need for a butt plug, either. You'rethat full of it."

    I do believe it was at that precise moment in time when my heart seized, pain shot down my arm toward my trembling fingers, and I grabbed my chest. Those words had been uttered by the one and the only, my incognito one.Damn!

    Then Holly chimed in, “Trust me, Claudia. If this dick here used a butt plug she'd be far more mute than from some damn bandana.” She turned, left a peck on Laura's cheek, and added,
    “Because she's always talking out of her ass."

    It was this precise moment in time that would be recorded indelibly in everyone's minds. “The Great Dildo War” had begun. Each—excepting our incognito ones—armed herself with a jelly penis-replica and became a swashbuckler. Defending honor, taking vengeance—whatever it was spilled into the next aisle and eventually brought the attention of the clerk. We quickly dropped our weapons in their respectable spots and scattered like the scavengers we were at the sound of something bigger than us.

    We hid near the Fantasy Costumes section until the calm came and the clerk went. Nurse, fireman, schoolgirl—somehow these professions did not seem to belong in a porn shop, but they representatively hung there nevertheless.

    Claudia neared me. She was about to speak when we overhead Lisa's voice on the other side of the shelving.

    "Come on! I brought every quarter I could find in the car."

    "No, I don't think so. Let's just get the hunt finished. We have yet to win one."

    "A half an hour isn't going to kill us. Come on, or I'll go myself."

    I knew Lisa would get her way, that Alison would cave in, and frankly I was getting tired of it. I also knew that it was none of my business, but I cared about Alison. She had had a tough time most of her life, and it had finally calmed down. She taught yoga at the Y and had just started to seem content with herself when Lisa had plowed into her life, looking for someone over whom she could