Free Colin Meets an Emu by Merv Lambert Page A

guests, whom he had just fetched. They trooped down the stairs, one after the other, all 29 of them.
    â€œAuntie Flo, this is Maid Marion, and this is Robin Hood.” The list went on and on, and included two rather rotund, bald-headed men wearing brown monks’ robes. Yes, Abbot Abbott had managed to wangle himself an invitation to the party!
    Auntie Flo shook hands with them all, herded them into the living-room, and spoke to them quietly and firmly.
    â€œHello. I am Colin’s Auntie Flo, so you call me Auntie Flo. I know you are from another time and another place, and you are going to see and hear some things amazing to you but which are everyday, ordinary things to people of this time. All I ask is that you try to control your wonder and delight, and not to touch or meddle or play with any of the objects you come across. First let me shed a little light on our world.” She switched on the electric light. There was a gasp of surprise from her audience. They were all smiling. “If you think that is a miracle, let me show you something that is both a joy and sometimes a curse of our modern world. It is a joy, if it is used sensibly. It is a curse, if people become addicted to it, or if the people directing it use it to influence people to have wrong, bad or evil ideas.” And she switched on Colin’s television set. Again there were gasps of amazement from her audience, who were standing or sitting around her. In the next half-hour with the aid of clips of film she had recorded on her camcorder Auntie Flo showed her medieval guests the wonders of modern transport, cars, planes, buses, lorries, trains, how to get water from taps, and most importantly she took care to explain how modern toilets work and how to use them properly. She told them about radios, telephones, watches and clocks, mobile phones and cameras, refrigerators, ovens and microwaves and also central heating. When her lecture was over, the outlaws wanted to see all the film clips again and had many questions they wanted to ask. However, at that moment Jilly, Billy and Colin appeared, carrying trays with pots of tea and coffee and mugs for everyone. The outlaws, not used to hot drinks, eagerly tried the various options – with or without sugar, with or without milk – and with great enthusiasm consumed several platefuls of biscuits of various kinds. Abbot Abbott and Friar Tuck were particularly fond of chocolate digestives. Robin Hood, Marion and their friends just couldn’t stop chattering excitedly about all they had seen, and Colin’s two toilets had never had so many visits before. Auntie Flo stood guard at the bathroom to make sure the taps were used properly. No one dared play about with them, not even Little John.
    Soon, however, it was time for Jilly to get changed into her bridesmaid’s dress, and then the taxi arrived to take her directly to meet up with Olivia.
    â€œRight, everyone,” called Auntie Flo. “Now your adventure continues. Billy and I are going with you to the church, and we are travelling in a motor-coach. It has just arrived outside. When you are inside it, sit down on a seat. Do not get up and keep walking about. It will take us about 10 minutes to get there.” She tapped her wrist-watch and the outlaws stared at it goggle-eyed. She continued in the same clear, firm voice. “At the church Billy will get off first and he will show you to your seats. After the service, as it is such a lovely sunny day, everyone will wait outside the church for photographs to be taken. Then Billy and I will go with you on the coach to the feast as you would call it. We call it the reception.”
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    For Olivia and Colin the day they had planned turned out much as they hoped it would but with a lot of surprises too. The weather was perfect, Olivia was beautiful in a long white dress, all the guests were happy, the church service went smoothly. Abbot Abbott had even smuggled Sammy in. The