Free Sneaky Pie's Cookbook for Mystery Lovers by Rita Mae Brown Page B

stink to high heaven.
    She emptied out the garden shed, brought hay and straw up from the barn, falling down a couple of times in the process. It was getting colder and colder—so cold that the inside of your nose hurt when you breathed. Still, she was out there for over an hour.
    When she reached the house her lips were blue. We loved on her and warmed her up as much as we could. She was distraught. How do you explain a situation like this to your insurance agent?
    She called him at home. He said, “Happy New Year and don’t worry.”
    Well, she felt somewhat better. She made Pewter and me some New Year’s Tuna. Then she cooked herself black-eyed peas for luck. And you know, that turned out to be one of the best years we ever had, although I never have learned to tolerate the nanny goat, Princess Vandal.

Cat
SUNDAY SALMON DINNER
    1 (7-ounce) can norwegian salmon
    1 (1.4-ounce) package dry cat food or ¾ cup if you don’t use individual packages (use a fish flowor)
    1 (8-once) package soft cream cheese
Chop the salmon into small pieces.
Mix in well with the dry cat food.
Cut the cream cheese into 4 squares and roll them into balls.
Roll the cream cheese balls in the mix until thoroughly covered. (Omit the cream cheese for a fat cat.)
Serve immediately or refrigerate in a tightly sealed container.
    H UMANS ARE PACK animals. Cats are not. What makes living with humans often difficult is they refuse to admit they are pack animals—each human believes, deep down, that he or she is a rugged individualist. This illusion is particularly rampant in America.
    I can prove this, should you doubt it, with a few examples:
    Would any cat in her right mind wear stiletto heels?
    Would any cat drink spirits until she or he puked?
    Would any cat smoke cigarettes, thereby blunting her or his sense of smell? As for yellow teeth, I guess that wouldn’t be so bad if you’re a Burmese cat.
    Would any cat crimp her hair until it looked as though she’d stuck her paw in a light socket?
    Would any cat pay taxes even if the money showed up again in her or his community?
    Would any cat give up meat?
    Would any cat believe she or he is at the top of the food chain? This one just cracks me up.
    Would any cat swear to be monogamous in front of a room full of other cats?
    Would any cat have a facelift, tint whiskers, lengthen her or his tail?
    Would any cat go down a hill on two sticks in the snow?
    Would any cat go to war?
    I rest my case.

Cat
JUST RIGHT CHICKEN
    1 small whole chicken
    2 tablespoons (¼ stick) unsalted butter
Put the chicken in a large pot of cold water to draw the blood out. Depending on the size of the chicken, the time will vary, but leave the chicken in a covered pot for at least an hour. If you really want to be perfect, change the cold water every 15 minutes.
When the blood is out of the chicken, again fill the pot with 1 gallon of cold water, drop in the butter, and cook over medium to medium-high heat until the meat literally falls off the bones; about hours. Set the chicken and stock aside to cool naturally.
Remove the chicken from the pot, cut into small pieces, and serve at room temperature. One small chicken will be enough for several meals.
Divide the stock in half. Refrigerate half and use later to lightly sprinkle over dry cat food—chicken flavor, of course.
Use the other half of the stock to make chicken soup for humans. Our favorite is Chicken Corn Soup (recipe follows).

Human
CHICKEN CORN SOUP
    Serves 4 to 6
    8 cups chicken stock
    1 cup white rice
    2 hard-boiled eggs. peeled and sliced
    2 cups white corn (the kernels from about 3 ears)
    3 tablespoons coarsely chopped fresh passley (or 2 teaspoons dried)
In a large pot over high heat, bring the chicken stock to a boil. Stir in the rice, reduce the heat to medium-low, and simmer for 10 minutes.
Add the hard-boiled eggs, corn, and parsley. Reduce the heat to low, cover, and continue cooking until the rice is tender, 10 to 15 minutes longer.
    C ATS CAN EAT the