Free Tales From the Crib by Jennifer Coburn Page B

but not as bad as I expected.”
    “The nurse said the baby’s doing exactly what he’s supposed to be doing in there,” he said.
    “He’s well behaved already.”
    “Your face is almost back to normal,” Jack said.
    And yours is beautiful, I didn’t say. I’d forgotten how handsome Jack is, with his chiseled features and dark brown hair. He has a baseball player’s body—tall and muscular with wide shoulders and a thin waist. He has an olive complexion that highlights his green eyes exquisitely. But his best feature is his lips. The bottom lip is thin and uneven, the right side a bit fuller than the left. Unlike my Bell’s palsified face, Jack’s asymmetry worked to create a sexy, inviting look.
    “The face workout worked,” I said awkwardly, hoping he wouldn’t notice I was a bit nervous to see him. “Did I interrupt your night?” I said, referring to the fact that he was dressed in a tuxedo.
    “Yeah,” he laughed. “You can guess how well this went over. My date’s sitting there, like your what has gone into what?”
    I burst with laughter at the thought of Jack having to explain to his girlfriend that he had a pregnant wife. What a piece of shit, she must have thought him. God knows, I did several nights as I lay awake in my old bedroom, wondering what my sort-of-single husband was up to. “You’ll explain it to her in the morning,” I reassured Jack.
    “I doubt it. Sheila made it pretty clear that she didn’t want to hear from me again.”
    Sheila?! Sheila?! What kind of name is Sheila? Probably some type of, of, of ahhhhhhh!!!! The pain is back. It’s Sheila. She’s made a voodoo doll of me and is sticking pins in the belly.
    “Jack, get the nurse!” I shouted.
    He rushed out of the room and returned with Betsy, who lifted my gown and announced that it was time to push. But before any pushing began, she rolled my bed into a different room, one with forest wallpaper, bright lights, and surgical tools. “Focus on the trees, Lucy,” Betsy urged when she saw my look of horror. There had to be some sort of joke about not being able to see the forest for the trees, but for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what it was. “Breathe in deep through the nose, out with the mouth,” she said. Jack started repeating everything Betsy said as he held my hand at the side of the bed. “Let me get the doctor,” Betsy rushed out.
    “This is it, Lucy,” Jack said, wrapping both hands around my one. “This is what we’ve been waiting for. It’s all come down to this moment. You got what it takes to deliver this kid into the world and be the best mom ever.”
    I know he meant well, but I started to feel like an athlete going into the big game. My heart pounded, but not with fear, exactly. With performance anxiety. “You can do this, kiddo. A couple pushes and we’re in there.”
    A couple pushes turned into a couple hours and pretty soon I heard Dick Clark’s voice on the television, announcing that the ball would drop in Times Square in less than a minute. I pushed one more time before nurse Betsy leaned in close and whispered the greatest piece of maternal wisdom I’d ever heard. “Push like it’s a bowel movement, honey,’’ she said. Now, no new mother likes to think of her child as a vaginally delivered piece of shit, but I had to admit there was something to this.
    The doctors and nurses all started chanting for me. “Ten, nine, eight, seven…” Okay, maybe they were watching the ball drop, but I found it very inspiring. “Three, two, one!” And as they blew horns and shouted “Happy New Year,” the small voice of my son let out a tiny wail.

Chapter 10
    I lifted my head to see a light coat of white fur covering the back of a grayish-blue baby curled in a small ball. He was slick with blood and goop and a ropy cord hung from his belly, disproportionately larger than any of his other features. He had a full head of brown hair like Jack’s that made him look as though he was