Free Plastic Confidence (Good Bye Trilogy #1) by Alisa Mullen Page A

Really?” I spat out with incredulity. That was what magazines asked, not guys who wanted to really know me as a person. Brennan smiled easily at my attempt to be forceful and in control. His look kicked my fear down a notch and I was excited to see what happened between us next.
    “ Julia, what was the first concert you ever went to–not played at,” he probed. He came closer to take my hand into his. It was like sticking my hand into a warm bowl of bread dough. His hand secured mine and the rest of my body despised my hand in that moment. Shit, now my body was arguing with itself.
    “ Lollapalooza,” I said, in a rush because I still really didn’t want to talk. I wanted to feel the soft comfort of Brennan’s whole body melted around me, thrusting into me.
    He nodded his head and took my other hand, intertwining our fingers as he looked down at them in wonder. “Good show, I went to that festival, too.” he confirmed.
    I nodded absentmindedly while I watched his face. It was lovely. I already knew his different expressions from our ten minutes together. His wondrous look. His offended look. His patient look. His look of... was that adoration? For me?
    “ Which band did you like the most?” he asked me. I pondered that for a moment and tried to remember the lineup. I nodded slowly as memories started to rush back to me. I was in the ninth grade and I was dating a boy, whose name has slipped my mind now. I squeezed my eyes for the name.
    Nate, Nathan Williams.
    It was our second date; he had bribed me with the tickets, so he was motivated to make it past the first two bases. I watched Billy Corgan and The Smashing Pumpkins with rapt attention, while Nate successfully got his hand down the front of my jeans. I didn’t care. We sat off on the side of the lawn and had a great view of the stage. He made it under my panties to play with me, but I was too entranced with Billy to notice. When they had ended their set and we all starting clapping, Nate pulled his hand out of my pants and cleaned himself up. He smiled and kissed me on the cheek, like I was the best date ever.
    Now that I think about Nate, I am revolted at his behavior. At my own ambivalence! What the fuck was I thinking? Nevertheless, I do remember that night to be special for something completely different. That night might have changed my life.
    That was the night I decided that I wanted to be the female version of Billy Corgan and I craved to sing like nothing I had ever wanted before. The next day, I begged Kent incessantly to teach me everything he knew about the guitar. I played day and night. My fingers bled but I didn’t care.
    I joined the high school choir and was basically the only class that I attended on a regular basis. I just wanted to sing. The teacher was impressed, but gave me odd looks as she praised my improvement. I imagined she heard stories in the teacher’s lounge. The gossip was full of “what Jules Delaney had done that day in class” talk. But in choir sessions, I was attentive and I was granted a solo at nearly every high school performance.
    “Why are you smiling, Julia?” Brennan asked softly. He cocked his head to the side in disbelief. I don’t think he had ever seen me smile before, because he stared at my mouth and then my eyes, only to smile right back.
    “ Billy Corgan,” I declared. “You know him? He is the lead singer of Smashing Pumpkins? It was that guy that made me the person I am today. He is the whole reason I am a musician and the lead singer of a killer rock band. We are incendiary because of him.” I smirked.
    Brennan nodded his head with an appreciative grin. I waited for him to say something about how dumb that was. What was he thinking about me? It couldn’t be good. I had ditched him, jumped him, spaced out on him, and then shared where my inspiration came from–a forty-five minute concert.
    “ You know, one person can’t turn someone into the lead singer of a popular rock band. You might